[[American Idol (2010 Series)|American Idol]] heads to Dallas’s Cowboy Stadium for auditions tonight. And everybody’s asking who the guest judge is. It’s Dougie Howser, also known as Neil Patrick Harris. He tells Kara DioGuardi his goal is to “shatter the dreams of thousands”.
To start things off, college student Julie Kevelighan returns. Who? Well, she’s a past auditionee from the first season. She sings Black Velvet for the judges in a pseudo-operatic style. Neil criticises her sign-writing skills first, and her singing next. [[Simon Cowell]] is also underwhelmed as only Simon can be.
There was only one worthwhile thing to come out of this audition, and that’s the retro hairdos the judges were rocking back in the first season of Idol – Simon’s hair was a lot fluffier in those days, wasn’t it?
Some people were luckier than Julie though and we see a
Man mountain Lloyd is a lovable guy. He takes us home to his drug-infested, scary neighbourhood to meet his lovely young family. He sings a Stevie Wonder song for the judges – Kara says “He you are, a dock worker, and you have that voice.” [[Randy Jackson]] compliments his vibe and all judges give Lloyd a golden ticket for Hollywood, baby!
Next up, friction between Simon and guest judges Neil. The two don’t seem to see eye on most of the auditionees who pass through…like
School teacher Kimberly auditions with an original composition. Neil’s bopping away behind the judges desk, and [[Kara DioGuardi]] joins in. Randy raves to her while Simon says she’s got nothing current to offer. Neil interjects and says he disagrees. Randy and Kara dive in and back Neil up. Simon is the only judge who doesn’t give her a vote, but Kimberly is going through to Hollywood.
Annoyingly camp auditionee of the evening award goes to…
The fabulous Dexter Ward comes mincing along, and murders Gabrielle’s If I Ever. Randy says “Naw dude, that looked like it really hurt. Singing’s not your thing dawg, trust me.” In a twist, Simon compliments him on his attitude.
Cue the misery reel of people who probably thought American Idol was going to be their ticket out of poverty. Why do people cry when they don’t get through? Answers in the comment form at the bottom of this page, please.
Pretty Erica is actually a Barney brat. Oh my god, those irritating kids – I swore if I ever met one I’d pelt her with rotten tomatoes. To her credit, Erica comes on dressed in leather gear and cracking a whip. Yum. But Barney is unforgivable.
She auditions with Free Your Mind, cracking her whip to emphasise her words. She says her big dream is to prove that Barney kids grow up, and Neil quips “yeah, to be dirty little girls…” Still, winning over the male judges worked in her favour – she gets four yeses and her golden ticket to Hollywood.
The odds for this next contestant are stacked against him…he’s got Tourette’s, he’s…
27 year old Dave is a Tourette’s sufferer. He impresses the judges with his rendition of a Sam Cooke song, Bring It On Home. His tourette’s isn’t obvious when he’s singing, but he starts twitching immediately afterward. Simon, sucker for a story, votes him through. Neil commends his bravery and the other two judges give him a full pass to Hollywood.
Great voice though. I just wonder if he’ll get a fair chance at the live stages, if he makes it that far.
Moving on, Day 2 of the Dallas auditions features Joe Jonas – yes, one of the Jonas Brothers. First up…
Oh, this guy’s gonna please the ladyviewers – Todrick’s a handsome guy. His claim to fame is that he was in The Color Purple alongside former Idol winner Fantasia. He sings a cute original song for the judges that he wrote just for them. The lyrics are brilliant, this guy totally deserves a break.
Randy describes him as one of the best of season 9. Simon says “voice-wise, I’m not jumping out of my chair”, but Todrick still walks away with the much-desired golden ticket.
Blonde Megan takes her brother along to audition. He charms the audience while Meagan charms the judges. Kara says she thought the audition was going to be a joke, but compliments her voice. Simon likes “the surprise element from you”. All the judges say yes to her, sending her on to the next stage of the show! I thought her voice was pretty unremarkable to be honest…
OK, here comes a joke act if ever I saw one…
Vanessa believes she has a Uri Geller-like ability to communicate through the TV. She belts out an Etta James song and is every bit as annoying a singer as her pink attire suggested she might be.
Simon tells her that she’s what his nightmares look and sound like. Kara says the only positive is that she’s “definitely gonna remember you”.
Now, you know the last audition of the show is gonna have a really sad story and a really good voice. Because you can’t be a proper singer unless you’ve had a near-death experience, here’s…
Another Etta James song, but Christian (who’s actually a girl) delivers it less aggressively than Vanessa Johnston did. The judges praise her (she is only 16) and she wins the covetted golden ticket. Once again, I wasn’t 100% convinced by her voice. It was almost as if the story was better than the singing.
That’s it for Dallas – next stop on the Idol audition tour…Denver. See you next week!