American Idol Finale – May 26th, 2010

Oh boy, it’s so close, I can almost taste it. Only two more hours until I can stop watching this blemish on the face of music.

 

Now, trying to ignore the huge gap in the clap’o’meter between Crystal and Lee, why are they in school uniforms? Is there an ACDC tribute coming up? My mistake, the dinosaur known as Alice Cooper is staggering down the steps. Well, it’s clear he’s not lip synching, as his horrible voice only just manages to take the attention off Lee, who’s lucky he can sing, because dancing in a boy band was never in his future. Thankfully, Siobhan rounds it all off with an exuberant twat shot.

 

Can’t say I thought much of the last Idol, but Simon’s little send off was fun. He really is a git, isn’t he?

 

Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly with How Deep Is Your Love by The Bee Gees.

Ooh, AND with the remaining Bee Gees. Actually, come to think of it, is one dead, or are they just having a tiff about the travesty that is the lead singer’s comb over?

 

Michael Lynche with by Takin’ It To The Streets by Michale McDonald

Again with the surprise arrival. I see this is a given at this stage. Forgive me, the Idol virgin. Very good. Sorry to see Mike go, I really was.

 

That was very funny with Dane Cook, until what was clearly a cluster f**k at the end. Whose bright idea was it to bring on the most mentally ill contestants the show has ever seen?

 

Lacey Brown, Paige Miles, Katie Stevens, Crystal Bowersox, Siobhan “Boobs” Magnus and Gurney Gob, with I Am Beautiful/Fighter/You Lost Me by and with Christina Aguilera.

Man, she has the highest paid dancers on the planet. Full pay for six seconds work. I feel bad for the girl, too. Now she’s had kids, she has a normal woman’s body, but is wearing teen clothing, but then, she’s beautiful, right?

 

Ricky Gervais is a funny bloke. Nuff’ said.

 

Lee Dewyse, Andrew Garcia, Casey James, Aaron Kelly, Michael Lynche, and Tim Urban with I Can’t Go For That/Maneater/You Make My Dreams by and with Hall and Oates

Ummm, I have nothing to say.

 

Oh, they gave Michelle Delamour a spot in Toledo. Nice. Crystal gives a very relaxed performance doing Ironic/You Oughta Know with Alanis Morissette, then kills it with her.

 

Carrie Underwood with Undo It

Another song dissing blokes? Good, I don’t think we have enough of those. I have something to say about her later.

 

Crystal and Lee get a couple of Ford Focuses (Foci?) for the good two weeks worth of free commercial work they did for the company? Hmmm, how generous.

 

Casey James with Every Rose Has Its Thorn by Poison.

At first I thought it was a piss-take, but it looks like Bret Michaels and his headscarf are working just fine since his hemorrhage. Pity Casey’s voice isn’t. Now, get Bret his wheelchair.

Lee gives Chicago a helping hand with a medly of thier hits.

Yes, very good Matt Rogers, “Lee is DE Wyse choice”. Oh dear, that’s as bad as my Vera Wang joke.

 

General Larry Platt with the classic “Pants On The Ground

Awesome, and William Hung turns up and even manages to massacre this song.

 

 

Watching Paula is painful. Is she on some sort of heavy medication?

 

All the former idols get together with lots of runners up.

See what we’ve all become? Not very much, for some.

 

No, don’t say Janet Jackson is coming on. Oh shit, are the tits coming out?

God that was boring.

 

Crystal Bowersox and Lee Dewyse with With a Little Help From My Friends by and with Joe Cocker.

Something wrong with Lee’s microphone? He appears to be sitting out of this one somewhat.

 

Here it is, the moment of truth…

 

Yep, obviously I think she’s better, but he had the popularity.

 

Which is the sad thing in times past. I already hinted at it, but the reality is that very little has come out of American Idol, considering the time, money and people that have went into it. Clarkson, sure. Underwood, definitely. Daughtry, maybe, but that’s it? Really? After nine years, millions of people, and dollars?

 

It’s not much to speak of, really, and in fact, it’s nothing to speak of outside of pop music. Although, I think I’ve been lucky that this is my first year watching. I’ve been reading around, and most people seem to think it’s been a snoozefest. I think this is because there’s been very little drama, or ridiculous personalities. It’s been more about talent, than sellable TV.

I’ve had my moments when i’ve been annoyed about certain people being voted off, or staying, but for the most part, the old adage has held true: “The truth will out”. This year the top people have been very very talented. Lee, Crystal and Mike have been amazing.

I think the proof in the pudding will be the writing, and what songs come out of these three in the coming year.

 

Anyway, it’s been a chore sometimes, fun sometimes, but always interesting. See you next year, unless I come to my senses for some reason.

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