Hi guys – we’re back for a bumper day of America’s Got Talent recaps. Sorry, but I’ve fallen a little behind this week. I didn’t realise how much people had come to enjoy these recaps until I got an email yesterday asking what happened!
The good news is, if you’re a fan of America’s Got Talent, you can blog about it here on Unreality Shout. Just sign yourself up and get started!
Now, on to the Orlando auditions, which are indiscreetly sponsored by…some resort. Hell, they’re not paying me to advertise them…
“The thing about this trick is you can’t mess it up. Something goes wrong, I’ll be back in two days.” Swallows a string and promises to pulls it out of another orifice. Unexpectedly, he pulls it out of his belly. Really. Cannon says “There’s blood on it, man.”
Piers: Well, it’s one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen. Revolting, but compelling. Weirdest thing I’ve seen. Howie: I’ve never seen anything like that. I’ve seen a lot of magicians, I’ve gone to a lot of shows, I’ve performed with a lot of magicians. You are really really good. Sharon says she doesn’t know if it’s good enough, so votes against him. But gore-lovers Piers and Howie send him through to Vegas.
Nice to see normally cool Nick Cannon being slightly woozy at the sight of the blood.
- Murray Sawchuck does the old ‘disappearing girl in a box’ act. We all love the hot girl assistant he brings with him. Piers is most impressed, but like me wants to see more of the girl.
- The South Philly Vikings give a spectacular stage dance dressed…as Power Rangers.
- Max Winfrey is a clumsy knife thrower. He starts by drawing the outline of a participant and throwing knives at that. But when he misses on the inner leg, the man refuses to have knives thrown at him. Max turns the board around and reveals – Nick Cannon strapped to the other side! Great trick!
Erin’s a unique artist, she paints things using her body. On a giant canvas, she uses her ass to paint the stripes on the American flag, and her torso to do the stars. This causes the judges to unleash the quips. Howie says “Beauty is in the thigh of the beholder”, while Sharon wonders what else she can do with her thighs. All three judges send her through.
This Dutch kid comes on next dressed as Mozart and does some of the composer’s greatest hits. Brilliant playing from a sixteen year old, even if Nick did mistake him for “one of the guys off the money”.
Piers: You’ve got more talent than any other act I’ve seen this season. Sharon: I must commend you. You’ve come in costume, and you presented yourself very well today. Howie: You got a great stage presence, you’re very funny, very witty, very smart. You are incredibly talented.
Three yeses from the judging panel. Simeon/Amadeus is going to Vegas, baby!
Next up is Tiahizzi, who looks like she could be a disaster act. She calls herself a song and dance act, but honestly – I haven’t seen anybody this deluded in years. All the judges voted her off, and she leaves in a shower of attitude and expletives.
- Yogi Laser wants to prove to the world that he’s the light. So he bends himself in half and rumps about the stage for a minute or two. Judges send him home.
- Paul Pierog, the “Not Your President” guy and his posse take the stage. It’s unmitigated madness and it’s not long before the crowd are baying “Off, off, off!”
- Fafo gets ribbed by Howie – “are you a boy scout who wants to work at Hooters?” The guy starts stripping and dancing. This is some self-indulgent weirdness. His tumbles on stage are ridiculous.Piers tells him “That is the smallest talent we have ever heard in the history of this show.”
Studio One Young Beast Society
Probably the longest-named act in this year’s show, this group is almost a welcome return for dance acts. They’ve got some very entertaining moves and were quite loose on stage. Piers calls them “Fresh. I like the feel of this group.” All three judges pass them through to Vegas.
Doddery old Russian guy dreams of being famous singer in America. Piers buzzes him before he’s got to the end of the first line. But he’s got a point, the old fella’s terrible. It’s a talent that doesn’t need to be shared with the world to be enjoyed.
Piers says “there may be a few small technique issues that we need to work on”. Sharon criticizes the tone in his voice. The judges gently send him home. Brilliantly, the old guy refuses to take no for an answer and we see him bugging the backstage guys to see if he got through or not.
A Haitian singing group come along next. They talk briefly about the Haitian disaster and what it means to them. It’s a great piece of backstory for once.
The play a version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. It starts off low-key, but then they break into something a little more tropical. I don’t think much of their harmonies though, and the whole thing felt a little bit disjointed.
Howie says they were “very original in your arrangement”. Sharon calls them all accomplished musicians and Piers tells the lead singer that he’s got a great voice. All the judges vote yes for Harmonik. Note the playing of Alexandra Burke’s version of Hallelujah playing in the background.
This girl sees herself as being a big music star – as big as Beyonce or Alicia Keys. She’s written 300 songs, an entire career’s worth of songs. I’m cringing at her spoken-word intro. You know where I’m gonna be, baby. Up in mah studio. The judges universally buzz her off. Nick likes it.
Howie tells her it’s a song he won’t be able to get out of his head. Piers calls the lyrics limited. Sharon discreetly tells her her songwriting skills are terrible. And all the judges tell her no. Nick comes onstage in her defence, and she picks it up again, but with Cannon’s help, it’s twenty times funnier. Somebody release that damn song! It’s a hit!