Are vampires a little bit pervy? I think so…

Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen in Twilight

Meet Edward. He’s a vampire. He looks like he’s seventeen years old, but he’s actually much older. Such is the charmed un-life of a vampire. They save a fortune on beauty products.

By my estimation, Edward is quite an elderly gentleman. If he was 17 when he was made a vampire and the year was 1914, then he’ll be celebrating his 112th birthday this year. Right?

You follow my logic, don’t you? In the real world, a 112 year old snogging a 17 year old would raise some eyebrows, wouldn’t it?

Now, let’s look at the half-your-age-plus-seven rule. This will help us work out what the acceptable age for a century-old vampire to be dating. Here’s the concept:

A convenient rule to define the youngest that a romantic interest can be before the relationship is indecent. Widely referred to and used, the rule has merit for usefulness. The full version states: “if you halve your years then add seven, you’ll have the youngest decent age for a partner; if you double your years then subtract seven, you’ll have the oldest decent age for a partner”.

Following this logic, Mr Cullen could be dating eligible women of age 63 and upwards. Not that attractive an option when you’ve got the body of a 17-year-old, is it? So what is it that makes it alright for vampires to get it on with teenagers?

OK, outwardly they look similar, but inwardly they’re 100 years older! What does this mean? When you’re a vampire, do you stop aging mentally? Or does your immortality give you a unique outlook?

What do you think?

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5 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    i thought about that one too…but i think the books explained this one… i’m not sure if they specifically say this but i think it was the jist that they do in fact not mature much mentally…so that their personality keeps matching their appearance.  now in real life…who knows… (yes, i totally WANT to believe vampires are real cuz i really want to become one…huge fear of death and that’s the only way outta it that would be pretty fun)  haha.  

  2. McLaughlin

    Yes, Eddie is really a dirty old man. But in his defense, if you were 112 and looked 20 – would you go after a lady on her death bed? I think men like younger women and they go for the youngest that they can get. Physically he looks her age, so he goes for it.

  3. Gerard McGarry

    Hmmm. I can understand them wanting a young partner if they plan to take that person and make them a vampire as well. Preserving a woman at the height of her youth would probably make a lot of sense. Anne Rice has this angle covered quite well in her books.

    But to date a human with no intention of ‘making’ them? That’s a tough one. Let’s suppose she decides she wants children at some point. The biological clock might start making demands that our lovable vamp can’t fulfil.

    Though the biggest problem I have with this concept is the mental age idea: how does an immortal of 100 or more years relate to a teenager? What are their motivations – sexual or emotional? Yes, we can be all gung-ho and male about it – “Oh yeah, give me a hot 18-year-old for a night…” Who’d turn down a beautiful woman? I don’t think that’s the point.

    I can’t imagine how a vampire thinks, but with a lifetime that spans several generations, how much would an immortal want to deal with the problems of a teenager? It kind of reminds me of this (NSFW) poster.

  4. Nearpoint

    First, it’s genetically encoded in the DNA of the human male to find the youngest, healthiest female with which to continue his bloodline, ie. young teenage girls. This is probable also true for vampires, who after all, used to be human.

    Secondly, if you present a beautiful young woman as a potential partner to any male (unless he’s gay), you’ll probably find plenty of takers no matter what their age.

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