The Apprentice. Or, who’s the most employable out of a pretty sad bunch.

I hate the first two ... three ... four ... five ... six ... oh dear. Is it part of the contract that they all have faces like smacked arses? The first task - cleaning!! They looked shell shocked already. Yes, that’s right - you will have to roll up your sleeves. The girls call themselves Ignite; Mona is the Project Manager. And she picks up a duster and asks what it is. It doesn’t bold well, does it? The boys go with Empire and Howard is Project Manager. Although Philip seems set to talk a good game without actually playing. On the face of it, the boys seem to have organised themselves a bit better but just take too, too long to clean one car. And leave the doors open when jet washing! Honestly, you’d think they were teenagers. Mona decides the best way to drum up business is to bully the customer into paying twice as much as he normally does and tell him he’s wrong! *Thumbs up* Way to go. Not. Having bought everything they possibly could from Sir Alan’s goodie van, the girls discover that actually, they don’t know how to work half of it. And it costs them the task; they take £10 more than the boys but have spent £90 more! The boys have cocktails back at the apartment (but I think we already knew that judging from the modest comments). It’s definitely in the contract that they have to be up themselves. Sir Alan will break them all eventually.

Mona brings Debra and Anita back into the boardroom and frankly, any one of them could go, they were all dreadful: Anita gets the boot. Adrian reckons quote of the week goes to the American: “I’m a rough tough cream puff from New York”. We all know it was Margaret: “Never before have so few cars been washed by so many in so long a time.”