Oooh, it’s the last Britain’s Got Talent semi-final, and another eight acts are lined up to perform for our pleasure and possible derision. Who’s playing tonight?
Comedy impressionist act the Chippendoubles, Liam McNally, pole dancer Alesha Vazmitzsel, Myztikal, campy Bollywood dancers Dance Flavourz, over-earnest singing duo Father & Son, dancing brothers A3 and teenage drummer Kieran Gaffney.
With their gimmick already revealed, will the Chippendoubles be as memorable as they were first time around?
They’re reprising their former personalities, except this time, they’re doing a dance act. The Simon double is the DJ, and out front Beckham, Gordon Ramsey and Gervais are looning around. Simon tires of it first, then Piers buzzes in as well. The high point is when Simon is joined by Amanda and Piers looky likeys. The Piers double has the arms-folded mannerisms.
Piers: The last bit was great…I just feared when you came back if you didn’t have the big reveal, you don’t have the surprise factor, it’s not gonna be as entertaining as the first audition. Amanda: I think it’s a really obvious thing to say it’s a one trick pony. We knew that when we put them through. Tonight was funny still, the audience were entertained. I’m loving that I’m much thinner up there. Simon: I totally agree with what Piers said, once the fun of guessing who came out had already happened, it was just you guys dancing around in silly shorts. It was just pointless.
My rating: 5/10 The male judges were right – the surprise was gone, but it was still entertaining. Would’ve been better if they’d had new personas to play with.
I couldn’t place the name at first. But this is the Aled Jones 2.0 kid. God, he loves to knot his tie BIG, doesn’t he? Rewind that footage of him in his school uniform. And remember Simon’s comments to him at first audition about the possibility of his voice breaking and ruining his career?
He brings an angelic version of You Raise Me Up. Gotta give him his dues, he makes it sound good. Better perhaps than all the damn boyband versions I’ve heard. He’s the tiniest bit affected by nerves, and you can hear it in his voice, but otherwise very good. Damn, I was ready to slate this!
Piers: You may remember Simon expressing some caution to you about your voice…you only potentially have to hang on 24 more hours. I thought that was a fantastic performance. I was trying to work out if we’ve had a better singing voice in the whole competition, and I don’t think we have. Amanda: It was a really gutsy, really confident. And you just look like you could go again. Honestly, a cracking performance. Simon: Absolutely terrific. Audience loved it.
My rating: 8/10 – Yes, I’m eating my words. He played a blinder on this. And perhaps there is a market for this kind of stuff?
Alesia is valiantly trying to raise the profile of pole dancing, and remove some of the tacky image it has. She’s got some amazing upper body control, as we see in the video clip.
Her control is truly astounding. Is Cowell making a concerted effort not to look too excited? Piers looks rapt. Alesia’s performing to Beyonce’s Halo by the way. She performs at the top of the pole – about 10ft in the air – for the duration of the routine. Really impressive, but possibly, possibly a bit slow paced?
Piers: I think you can safely assume we enjoyed it. You and Amanda talked about it becoming an art form. I’m not much of an art lover, but I’m beginning to really get into it. I think you’ve got an incredible strength, incredible balance and you’ve turned what’s generally a quite jokey thing in this country, into genuine art. Amanda: It is absolutely beautiful to watch. I want every home to have one. It really really is, and it’s not this tacky kind of thing. You’ve made it intosomething stunning. I think you did incredibly well. Simon: I would actually buy one of those for my bedroom now. It was fantastic. And what you did there basically was you risked your life. Because that is a very very tall pole. I thought it was incredible, it wasn’t boring. And that’s what I think the show needs, somebody like you. You did great.
My rating: 7/10 – A very different act, and highly skilled. And no, that’s not because of the pole…
Dance and singing crew from South East London! The judges had a problem with some of their singing last time round. The dancing is top notch as before, but the singing is totally off-key. I love the song selections and the dancing is energetic and eyecatching, but damn. You can tell how bad the singing is because it’s sandwiched between clips from other songs.
Stick to the dancing, kids.
Piers: After your audition I was certain in my mind that if you were going to sing, you were going to wreck what I thought was a really good dance act. You chose to ignore me, and you were absolutely right to ignore me. Amanda: Definitely. You have really really stepped up. It is 100% better than your audition. I really hope something good happens for you tonight. Simon: I didn’t like what you were wearing. I thought there were too many things going on and I got confused at some stage. Rachel…you should have sang more. Something about you as people I really really like. Taking everything into account…my favourite act of the night so far.
My rating: 6/10 – Loved the dancing. The singing didn’t come over so well at home.
Aha! A Piers Morgan pleasing booty shaking dance act. Headed up with a tremendously camp guy who is actually married…with a child? If you’re looking for an unashamedly sexy dance act – and who isn’t? – Dance Flavourz should be right up your street.
This is just brilliant, right guys? Hits all the right buttons if you can ignore the troupe leader. Flamboyant, colourful, just glorious to look at. We’re in visual feast territory. Cleverly they stationed one of their booty shakers right beside Simon. No chance of negative comments there!
Piers: I think you are just fabulous you lot. It’s an explosion of colour, of bottoms and all sorts of stuff. I enjoyed that. Amanda: I just love the attention to detail. There is so much heart and passion in this act, and the fact that you’re sewing the sequins and feathers on by hand. Your acts is what it looks like inside my brain. Simon: I’ve got slightly bored of seeing the same kind of acts on this show. This was the opposite – it was all home grown. And I think your wife is probably one of the most tolerant people I’ve ever met in my life.
My rating: 9/10 – I’m a big perv. What the hell, this might be the sexiest night of Britain’s Got Talent yet.
Father & Son
Oh. This needs to be good. A father/son double act. You don’t get many of those…ever. Unusual song choice, Wing Beneath My Wings. Simon tires quickly, and he’s the King of Schmaltz. It’s the father, isn’t it? It’s his wrinkle-the-nose attempts at being cute. And neither of them are terribly good singers. I blame Stavros Flatley, to be honest. They started this off. Oh feck, that end note was awful. The nation reaches for its mute button…
Piers: Let’s start with a slight negative. That was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I felt I was drowning in a big vat of gorgonzola at one stage. However, there’s something quite charming and touching about watching a father and son do that. I think that although it was cheesy, it was also enjoyable. Amanda: Yes, it was a cheese-fest. For me, it was too cheesy and I don’t know if I believed the sentiment. I’m so sorry. You sang well, and you have a great relationship, but for me tonight, it was too old-fashioned. Simon: I buzzed. Trying to put myself in the real wolrd, it was way over the top, which kind of made everything very cabaret. On the show we’re looking for something that’s unique, which is different. Vocally, it was just way to sugary.
My rating: 3/10 – Club singer takes son out for a few tunes, tries to blame the producers for poor song choice. Methinks they’re not progressing tonight.
Three brothers, all whose first names start with the letter A. Hence A3. Simon called them out for not having a proper routine last time round. My own impression is that they were milking the emotion factor last time round.
Not a fan of their early 90s dayglo costumes, but the routine is a lot more fun this time around. Bit of a backflip fail at the end by the A in the middle? Dec points out there are no tears this time round.
Piers: I think you guys did your mum proud tonight. That was a great performance. The one thing I’d say to you is that it’s been a big night tonight in terms of talent and with two other dance groups. You may struggle tonight to get through. Amanda: I disagree with Piers. What Britain’s Got Talent is about is homegrown entertainment. There were a few little mistakes, but it doesn’t matter. The bond between you and the connection that you’ve got, you did yourselves proud, honestly. Simon: I’m not gonna lie, there were some mistakes and it might be down to nerves. But what I like about you three is that you’re believable. You are actually very very talent. It probably needed more preparation and more production. People are gonna root for you.
My rating: 5/10 – I liked it, but there are better acts out there. How does this compare to booty shaking Dance Flavourz?
Drumming kids Kieran Gaffney is the closing act. That implies high expectations for this drum solo. The big question is how can he entertain us with a drum solo? From the last time round, he didn’t come across as yer John Bonham type.
Love the drum riser – it moves across the stage, then rises into the air. That’s taking the ‘riser’ idea a little literally. Hell, it even tilts! That’s pretty cool, but they must have him gaffer taped to his seat! No, I see the seatbelt contraption!
Er…he essentially just drummed to Black Eyed Peas’ Pump It. It was good drumming, don’t get me wrong, but I’d have preferred a proper solo.
Piers: Loved it Kieran. You are a little fighter. You came back and you were determined to prove to us – and Simon in particular – that you could make drumming on its own be a form of entertainment that the masses would enjoy. I absolutely loved it. Amanda: I want to kiss you. It was just absolutely fantastic. Honestly, I was out of my seat. I always wanted this moment for you. Brilliant! Simon: Not only was that a stunningly brilliant performance, a lot of people could take a leaf out of your book as well. You didn’t get through last year, it was the wrong decision. You nearly blew it with your mum and dad. You came back on your own, drummed for your life, got through. You never once whinged, never made excuses, never complained.
My rating: 6/10 – Not quite as good as the judges made out. To Piers: if he’s proving that drumming on its own can be entertaining, then why the Black Eyed Peas backing track? I wanted a proper drum solo. Props to the kid for being a good drummer, but he could have showcased himself a bit better.
This has to be the best night of the semi-finals this year. I’ve got a few acts I think could progress. Liam McNally has a great voice. Funny how I preferred him to that girl from the other day. I loved Dance Flavourz, so flamboyant and funny. Alesia Vazmitsel was brilliant as well – I don’t find her act particularly sexy though, just fantastic body strength. Myztikal could have been better, but I like the idea behind their act. I just wish they’d tightened it up.
Who’s your favourite to win tonight?