First act is a bunch of masked monks calling themselves the Chippendoubles. Touting themselves as a “variety act”, they’re actually a crack squad of celebrity impersonators. We first ‘get’ this when a Ricky Gervais-alike bursts out of the first monk costume – followed by David Beckham, Gordon Ramsay, Will Smith and finished off – of course – with Mr Cowell himself.
Simon calls them “one of my favourite acts”. Piers calls them “genius, absolute genius” and Amanda says “some of you are spot on”. Three yeses.
Karen Teirney does a Tina Turner routine and the judges can’t hit their buzzers fast enough. A&E are an Elvis Presley and Amy Winehouse impersonator act. Truly terrible. And then a weird lady comes on to do a Meat Loaf performance…except it’s just a mime. Worth it for Amanda Holden’s admission that her parents used to impersonate Meat Loaf and Cher.
Samurai artist Hayashi claims to be attempting the most dangerous stunt ever done on British television. Simon has buzzed him off before he even gets started. We even see a hint of a medic in the far corner of the stage. Basically, Hayashi slices cucumbers attached to his assistant’s head blindfolded. Piers calls him “very dangerous and compelling to watch” while Simon asks him how he can make it more interesting. And despite his grumping, Simon makes it three yeses. Two good acts for London so far.
Next act is a dance crew called Myztikal: At first they look like yer average dance crew, but some of the members come forward to sing and rap. It works until the girl with the green tie sings – things get a little bit tuneless around that part. Piers calls it out – loving the twist where they had vocalists as part of the act. Piers opts out, but Amanda and Simon give the group a second chance. I like what these guys do – it’s pretty fresh, but they obviously need to perfect their act for the next time!
Hey! The BGT crew head for Scotland!
First of the Scottish bunch are a husband and wife duo calling themselves Othelio. They hype themselves up to extraordinary heights telling us that the Internet is going to blow up over them. They also reveal that Simon spoke to them years ago. And told them that they had more chance of getting into the Grand National than getting a record deal.
The song is abysmal. This man should be legally banned from calling himself a singer/songwriter. What’s worse is that the audience are going nuts for the awfulness of it! The guy’s flashing sunglasses are hilarious. And of course Piers encourages them with a yes. Simon gives the most definitive no of his career. Amanda reverts to type and supports a crap act alongside Piers.
Zodiac are a dance group with a passion for crimping. They look like fun, but they’re not a patch on the other dance acts we’ve seen so far. Forth Valley Chorus give a brilliant version of Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves. Heather Smith brings on one of the few entertaining dog acts. All the judges rave about how good Laddie the dog is.
The man who had the entire country guzzling Ferrero Rocher last year has returned. If 2009 was the year of the Rocher, 2010 is the year of the After Eight mint. Weirdo. His world record attempt is to see how many After Eights can be eaten in one minute. I wonder if he shopped around for a sponsorship deal?
Although the judges are extremely negative about his act, there is an upside: Ant (or Dec) managed to equal the world record, eating 8 After Eights in one minute.
Janey Cutler is helped onto the stage by Ant (or Dec), and she’s going to sing No Regrets. The Edith Piaf version, not the Robbie Williams version. Even though she’s a frail old thing, Janey gives a gutsy performance of the song. You can’t not love this woman. This is the kind of spirited stuff that Britain’s Got Talent excels at! Tell me you’re not emotional!
Cowell beams at her and applauds. She tells Piers “Ah just go doon mah wee pubs an’ clubs.” Amanda calls this 80 year old “spectacular” and tells her that “the Royal Family would love you”.
That was a fantastic night’s worth of entertainment. Sad that the talent in Glasgow seemed to be more ‘zany’ than the acts we saw from London, but thankfully a good mix of talent and madness. Who was your favourite?