We’re back in London for one of the final auditions shows for Britain’s Got Talent 2010. I’m liveblogging tonight, so try and keep up with me – I’ll be making snap decisions and the usual barbed comments about your children’s bad dancing! Hee hee
First up is a father and son act, Michael Fayombo Snr and Jnr. These two are Michael Jackson impersonators, so not quite Stavros Flatley. The son isn’t a bad dancer, but he doesn’t quite have that snap in his movements that Jackson had in his prime. I’m nitpicking of course – it’s all fantastic fun and great entertainment. Daddy Fayombo is nearly as good as his son, but Cowell singles young Michael out for praise: “You reminded me of Michael Jackson at his peak.”
The pair sail through to the next round following good comments from all the judges.
3D Dance Company: These guys win me over instantly with their choice of song – Pussycat Dolls’ Jai Ho, and they win the judges over with their Bollywood routine. Starburst, a group named after sweeties are up next – they’re a slightly clownish group, but their hearts are in the right place – they want to win so they can pay for less smelly toilets in their dance space.
Young Tyler Patterson gives a good street dance routine…but not quite as impressive as the judges made out. Certainly not up to the standard of some other soloists, but what the hell do I know? He gets three yeses from the judges.
Louis Walsh reappears because Simon has flu. Are they playing these auditions all out of sequence? I think so.
Some lady declares her intention to turn her life around. Julie Watkins is her name. She’s a cleaner who wants to be a professional singer. She’s doing a Jackson song…One Day In Your Life. I can’t for the life of me work out if this is bitter-breakup comedy or if she’s serious about her singing. Seriously deluded. Simon Cowell would have nuked her off the stage, but Louis makes a limp quip about the Exorcist. She was scary though.
Melon Man is a scary vegetable carver. ‘Nuff said. Dave Jay is a juggler. Who cares? Not the judges. Louis calls it “end of the pier”. Dave Thompson proves that you can judge a book by its cover. A truly awful comedian. Louis bemoans the state of Brummie talent.
Singing doorman Neil fancies trying his hand at singing. I think we like his mate Champaigne Shane better though. These guys are like Vinnie Jones clones. He does a quite good version of Come Fly With Me, and it’s unexpected to hear such a smooth voice coming from such a big guy. The audience love it. Ant & Dec love it. Champaigne Shane loves it.
Piers gives him nothing out of ten for his presentation and stage presence, but lauds his singing voice. Amanda calls him sexy. Steady on love. And then she makes a terrible doorman joke about his name being down. I won’t repeat it here. Three yeses for big Neil.
Corey claims he can remember a dance routine just by watching music videos. Dec does a horribly obvious bit of prodding: “I get the impression if you get through today it’ll really change things for you (nods head to indicate he should tell his story).”
Turns out our Corey is a Beyonce impersonator. He dons a wig and gives us a blast of the Single Ladies routine. It’s bizarre and camp, but great fun. He only gets buzzed by Piers. Amanda praises his energy and he promises to deliver more at semi-finals. He gets yeses from Amanda and Louis.
Next up is weird clarinet accountant guy, otherwise known as James Shields. He’s about the same age as Simon, but he looks about 20 years older. Simon mercilessly teases him about how often he plays with it and for how long. Poor James is obviously uncomfortable. Amanda gets booed when she buzzes in first. Poor James…it’s every bit as dull as we expected it to be, but the audience are extremely supportive.
Piers calls it “quite pleasant” but Amanda tells him “I just didn’t find your clarinet that entertaining.” Simon sensibly opts to send James home. It was the right decision, but didn’t you feel just a little bit sorry for him as he walked off the stage?
Ivone Deruish gets buzzed off, but you could see her hands shaking as she played. Punky haired Matilda Myszka comes on to play piano but only succeeds in boring the judges. Simon likens it to “listening to somebody having a very bad piano lesson”.
After a brief homage to the talent-moms – the parents who coach, encourage and accompany their children to audition – we meet 14-year-old Liam who wants to sing. He sings Danny Boy. I can’t fault the voice. Little bit of wavering in there due to nerves, but very good. But why oh why do they make children sing these traditional songs?
Cowell pulls out his “I wouldn’t call you a good singer…” (audience boos) “I’d call you a fantastic singer.” Yawn, you’re repeating yourself Simon. He does offer a sensible word of advice, warning that when his voice breaks, he may not be able to carry off that style of music. Piers somewhat overstates his appeal – “You’re a serious contender to win Britain’s Got Talent.”
Over to you, folks – what do you say?