Californication, Season 4, Episode 5 review: Freeze Frame

Does Californication feel like it’s spinning a little bit out of control? Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be, but tonight everything was a little muddled. Mia returned, putting Hank in the same room with the teenager he accidentally had sex with and the actress who’s going to play her at the same time. Even the Runkles are heading in circles as Marcy discovers that Charlie’s vasectomy might not be reliable and her ex-husband may be the father of her child.

I’m finding it hard to explain Hank’s motivations at the moment, too. On one hand, he’s turning the charm up to maximum with Abby The Lawyer, but he gets quite pissy when he sees Karen at the gig with “Lenny Kravitz”. (Which is a clever line because Lenny Kravitz is the real-life father of Queens Of Dogtown’s lead singer).

Also, Mia. Despite his dark history with Mia, despite her potential to derail his life completely, Hank never shuns her or rejects her. This I don’t get, because if I was in Hank Moody’s shoes, I’d treat her like a frickin’ leper. Keep your distance, Hank!

Hank bumps into Mia while meeting his lawyer for dinner. Not the best time to be hanging out with someone you’re accused of (statutory) raping. Mia’s there to meet Sasha Bingham though, presumably so Sasha can pick her brains about character motivation. However, Mia’s high as a kite later on and Hank has to talk her down from the balcony. I’m constantly surprised at the warmth Hank seems to show her, because everytime I see Madeline Zima’s face I want to tell him to run like hell!

The upshot of this is that Hank feels dizzy after being on the ledge. He lies down on a conveniently placed bed with Mia beside him. Sasha Bingham jumps in the other side and the pair start rummaging inside his trousers. Naturally at this point, two wandering douchbags take a picture which will no doubt end up on Gossip Girl or the Californication equivalent within the hour. Dumb, Hank.

Elsewhere, Runkle is shaving his dong in order to make it look bigger. I can shamefully confess that this works, although the stubble afterwards is a complete bitch to deal with. And also…attacking your pubes with a pair of scissors isn’t ideal.

As you might expect, Runkle cuts himself and needs medical attention. Marcy is typically warm and sympathetic “We’re in escrow and you’re bleeding all over the f*cking floor!” But she goes to hospital with him. Lucky she does too, because she discovers that Charlie had his vasectomy done by “Weenie Todd” and he may have knocked her up after all. Uh-oh. Though to be fair I’d love it if these two got together.

By the way – who else knew Runkle had a tramp stamp?

And the Queens Of Dogtown perform at the Whiskey a landmark venue for such a young band. Awesome though.

So, there we go. I’m buzzed for next week because Rob Lowe’s back and it looks like he may have better insight into Hank than anyone gave him credit for. And of course, those photos are bound to go public. I’m sure Karen will be thrilled.

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