Ah, day 22 of Celebrity Big Brother, and the housemates get woken up by Rick Astley songs. Does that count as a Rick Roll? Oh, Big Brother, you are awful!
Dane-y starts the day by talking to Vinnie about his relationship with Katie Price, about their sex tape and also about her refusal to stop doing skanky modelling jobs. Vinnie asks if she’d had her boobs done by then, and fittingly, Dane is bouncing a huge bouncy ball as he talks about Katie Price’s freakishly large knockers.
Let’s stick together
Big Brother decides to celebrate the close relationships between the housemates by…chaining them together. Alex Reid and Dane Bowers get hitched together and spend some time in the kitchen together. Vinnie is tied to Ivana Trump. Stephanie Beacham, Nicola T and Jonas Altberg are locked together in a three-way. Ooo-er missus!
Nicola tells her chain-chums a crap nursery story about three bears going to the toilet. It’s utterly rubbish – “Me broken-hearted, me only farted…” Marginally more funny, Alex bursts out laughing while eating a cereal and sprays Dane’s leg with cornflakes. Yes, it seems like a slow news day in the Big Brother house.
Yep, it is. Stuck for anything interesting to talk about, Alex reverts to talking about himself and wonders why people hate him on the outside. Yawn… In the snug, Jonas is talking about his lack of confidence. Stephanie tells Nicola off for her choice of phrase in going to the toilet – “Maybe I’ll squeeze one out”
This bonding task is a washout, to be honest. Dane and Alex are chuckling away non-stop like Beavis and Butthead (answers on a postcard which one’s Beavis and which one’s Butthead) while Ivana and Vinnie are barely communicating at all. Not exactly gripping television.
Dane’s secret place
Thankfully, Big Brother calls Dane to the Diary Room and tells him that he – and a housemate of his choosing – can use the key to visit a special place tonight after everybody else goes to sleep. There’s a secret door behind the snug which Dane and Jonas are to enter through, hidden in the foliage.
Before that, the housemates are discussing how the eliminations are to be done. Consensus seems to be that it’s down to public votes at this point, which is correct. Dane and Alex blow smoke up Vinnie’s ass that he’s the man of the people, and Vinnie tells Alex that it would be great if he could have turned public opinion around in the space of three weeks.
Dane and Jonas go into the secret room, and for once it’s a nice surprise – there’s a Wii, beer and pizza and the odd glamour poster of Nicola. After a few hours of fun, the two return to the bedroom and go to bed undetected. I wonder if Big Brother will expose their secret lad’s night tomorrow?