Not content with corralling the Christmas #1 spot (except last year, haha), Simon Cowell’s unstoppable franchise now annually ‘helps the heroes’ by releasing a single that – and this is truly remarkable – everyone will buy, but no-one will listen to.
For some of the finalists, it’s the first and last time they’ll ever make an appearance in the singles chart. Any chart, in fact. Except possibly those “Where are they now?” charts that they reserve for people who sunk into obscurity after the show ended.
So let’s take a look at this week’s top ten:
- The X Factor Finalists 2010 – Heroes: After decimating the Elton John back catalogue a few weeks back, Simon Cowell sends his Karaoke All-Stars after David Bowie. Luckily, Bowie has remained silent on the issue. If he’d complained, Cowell would have retaliated with a ‘tribute’ night on next year’s X Factor.
- Ellie Goulding – Your Song: And speaking of Elton, here’s lovely Ellie Goulding singing Your Song like she’s just had an elocution class from ‘Enry ‘Iggins. Very proper English, very nice, very forgettable.
- JLS – Love You More: The JLS boys return with a stereotypically slick ballad. I suppose they couldn’t really avoid it. The female fanbase demands something smoochy to prove that their idols can slow it down. Sadly, it’s a faceless affair that any boyband could have released. Just as well it’s for charity then.
- Olly Murs – Thinking Of Me: Infectiously cheeky and infuriatingly catchy, I want to hate this with all the fire and fury I normally direct toward the cliched ‘likely lad’ of pop. But the song is growing on me in a way that inspires all new feelings of self-loathing. I hate you Olly Murs.
- Rihanna – Only Girl (In The World): Still loving this. I love the way Rihanna sings the chorus, like she’s demanding that we make her feel like the only girl in the world. Is that an order? Yes, ma’am, Miss Fenty, whatever you say.
- Take That – The Flood: I like to sit back at night and dream about how pissed off Gary Barlow is that The Flood didn’t get to #1. Even with Robbie on it! Actually, that’s not true, I don’t have time to waste on Gaz Barlow’s feelings. Good song, but essentially more of the same from the Pete Waterman of stadium-filling adult-pop.
- Far East Movement – Like A G6: Fascinating fact: The PR company for Far East Movement have been badgering me for a year or more about this group. And after a cursory listen to them, I wrote them off. Then I heard they were at #1 in the States. Oopsie! I know OddOne hates it, but it’s a favourite of mine!
- Katy Perry – Firework: Was rewatching the video for this today, and noticed the pregnant woman giving birth with sparks around her belly. Couldn’t help thinking that the sparks might be coming from somewhere else. And then I started thinking about potential uses for explosives in childbirth. Amazing the tangents your mind goes on sometimes.
- Adele – Make Me Feel Your Love: Lovely Adele has scored a rather big hit with this with little to no promotion on her part. Thank you, SC. No, not Santa Claus. I mean Simon Cowell.
- Rihanna ft Drake – What’s My Name: What? A second top ten appearance for Rihanna Robyn Fenty? Phew, that’s hot. Remarkably, I still haven’t heard this yet. Must check it out!
Watch and see what happens to Jessie J’s single Do It Like A Dude next week – this is the kind of thing I’d expect Cher Lloyd to release if she graduates Karaoke School.
New feature: Play our forum game – How many bands can you name with siblings in them? We’ve got a few suggestions in there already, let’s see what you can come up with.
We’ll be trying to play a new music-related forum game once a week. Unreality Shout is currently an invitation-only site, but if you want to get invited, use our contact form to request an invitation!