Christmas Chartwatch: Shock! Horror (Many Of)! Matt Cardle tops the charts with his debut single!

You know, I was thinking about the age-old Christmas #1 debate the other day. People are always moaning about the latest X Factor winner getting #1. But what was life in the crimbo chart like before Simon Cowell’s latest signing took up residence there?

It was a regular Cliff Richard holiday single, all born-again happy-clappy Christian sentiment. Alright if you like that kind of thing, but considering Christmas is an undisguised celebration of capitalism, it might be boring to bring back Sir Cliffy and his penchant for group swaying (check out the video for Saviour’s Day, you’ll see what I mean).

So there you have it. Better the devil you know, eh Simon? And after last year’s Rage campaign, there wasn’t even a decent counter-strike against X Factor this year. Too many Christmas #1 bids diluted the effectiveness. Plus, everybody loves Cardle, right? Nice try from the people behind the Surfin’ Bird campaign though – #3 isn’t a bad showing.

Without further rambling from me, here’s your official Christmas 2010 Top Ten:

  1. Matt Cardle – When We Collide: Reclaiming the Christmas #1 for Uncle Simon, Mr Cardle’s doing great business for brand X Factor and talking like he’s going to have a say in his musical direction! What’s the betting that Simon gives him an album of Snow Patrol and Coldplay covers?
  2. Rihanna ft Drake – What’s My Name: This one’s taking precedence after a raunchy X Factor appearance, and rightly so. It’s Rihanna using her voice to do something completely different with a slightly exotic swing to it. Love this track.
  3. The Trashmen – Surfin’ Bird: If I had any integrity, I’d research this song before commenting on it. But truthfully, the only reason I’ve ever heard of it is because it’s on the Wii game Just Dance.
  4. The Black Eyed Peas – The Time (Dirty Bit): Testament to Will.I.Am’s ability to write utter shite around a classic song and mass radio play to make us like it! Dirty bit.
  5. Ellie Goulding – Your Song: Goulding? Are you still here? Boring…
  6. Take That – The Flood: Showing that last weekend’s wall to wall appearances on reality TV shows (Strictly and X Factor on the same night) hasn’t hurt Take That. They jumped 9 places on the chart this week.
  7. Rihanna – Only Girl (In The World): Still lingering around the top ten. I think it’s amazing that she’s gone several weeks with two (and sometimes three) tracks in the top ten. Stunning. I’m loving this new phase in Rihanna’s career.
  8. Biffy Clyro – Many Of Horror: A positive effect of Matt Cardle’s #1 is that the original version of the song has gained some recognition. Great to see Biffy getting some attention, because they’re an amazingly talented group. I hope this raises their profile even more. 
  9. Willow – Whip My Hair: Truly the progeny of William “Fresh Prince” Smith, a totally bonkers song from daughter Willow, showing that despite the seemingly ADHD tune that she may have every bit as much charisma as her old man. I wonder if the next decade will be kind to the new generation of Smiths.
  10. Michael Jackson ft Akon – Hold My Hand: Yep, the posthumous rape of MJ’s offcuts. And why not? He’s not around to bollocks up his reputation anymore, and there’s suddenly tremendous goodwill towards the most shady, secretive character in pop. Let’s give the dead guy some collabs with contemporary acts and sell some records. It’s like Weekend At Bernie’s with white gloves. The song itself isn’t nearly as toxic as I expected though.

So, there we have it. If you look further down the Top 40 this week, there’s a surprising lack of Christmas tunes. Could that be because everybody’s got the Christmas songs they want from previous years, thus not needing to download them all over again this year? Or are people not feeling the Christmas spirit this year?

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1 Comment

  1. Ageing tart

    If Simon really does want Matt to be himself, he should let him do his own stuff never mind covers of Snowpatrol and Coldplay.

    One thing missing from this list is the christmas song or the novelty number. Shame because that is really what the Christmas chart was about.

    Also the quality of what is in the chart is very poor, none of these tunes are memorable. So bring back the real Christmas number one.


    Ageing tart

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