Genius: Jonathan Pryce-less.

Missed everything he said on predictive speech because The Hobbit and the Old Man wouldn’t STFU. Could be the alternative title for Lord of the Rings, that. First invention: Nick with his blatantly stupid weighing scales shoes – who in their right mind will want reminding all day? I also foresee a lot of bumping into lamp posts. Penny wants appropriate regional accents for weather forecasts – this is my favourite, as long as Jonathan gets the job. The only thing wrong with the idea was Penny herself – the London region should be Queen’s English, she says, spitting out the plum stone. Jonathan says she has attitude. Yes, the attitude of a gobby posh tart.

The ideas that didn’t make it – one-size-fits-all wheelbarrows? I’ve obviously not been using mine properly; back up shoes – a spare pair of shoes in the heels of your other shoes, that’s more like it; 25 hour moisturiser so you can lie in, liking that one even more. And the winner if only they’d put it through – a separate emergency number for the hoax calls!

A younger, thinner, creepier, possibly-son-of David Suchet called, of all things, Dave, wants to make the Isle of Wight symmetrical. And when you’ve finished, check out the Isle of Dogs too – the bit you cut off would contain my old school. Symmetrical Jonathan – if you missed it, decamp to I-Player, if only for this bit. Last up, sadistic student teacher Juliet. ‘A Bear Toirs.’ To kill your kiddies teddies, nice – let us know what school she goes to, please. Dave asks if she has kids “No” she says and he follows with “Did you get them taken away?” They bring out the Teddy Rack, there’s a man in the audience covering his face, if there was a sofa he’d be behind it. OMG – that poor woman’s teddy is going in the wood chipper. Nooooooooo …oh, it’s ok, they’re just kidding. Definitely not genius, well done Jonathan.

The winner is: The symmetrical Isle of Wight. Completely nuts.

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