I hadn’t realised how much I’d missed [[Glee (TV Series)|Glee]] while it was off air until about two minutes into the season première. Thanks to a rapid fire scene in which McKinley High’s resident blogger (think of him as a Jewish [[Gossip Girl (TV Series)|Gossip Girl]] with a ‘fro) interviews/harasses the Glee clubbers, we’re quickly dragged back into the world of High School choral societies.
Finn and Rachel are still together. Two members of New Directions have had surgery – Puck’s had a vasectomy while Santana’s got herself some new boobies. The two Asian members of the club, Tina and Mike, have hooked up. Which means Artie’s single and sad. The best bit is when Jacob reveals to Schuester that there’s a forum on his site where people want him to stop rapping – which is a neat bit of self-referencing comedy. I still cringe when I think of Matthew Morrison trying to be Vanilla Ice.
Thrown into what feels like the first day of school (which it is), the episode moves fairly quickly: Schuester (Morrison) and Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) get an early wake up call when Figgins cuts their budget and the new football coach wrong-foots them both by insulting their respective teams. Elsewhere, Shuester is finding it difficult to get new signups for the glee club, and sends the gang out to sing some current hits for the school.
When Rachel (Lea Michele) discovers a potential rival in new student Sunshine, she sabotages the girl’s chances by sending her to a crack den instead of the proper audition venue. Which is sad, because Rachel could have done with a direct competitor in New Directions. And Sunshine was tiny and yet had this massive voice. The pair manage a storming duet on Lady GaGa’s Telephone before Sunshine is abruptly pinched by Vocal Adrenaline.
Finn (Cory Monteith) does exactly the opposite – he encourages a new kid, Sam, to join the Glee club, after hearing him sing an old Poison track in the showers. He even jams with the glee guys on Billionaire and makes jokes about never having had balls in his mouth! Only thing is, he’s a bit like Finn last year – he doesn’t want to sacrifice what little street cred he has by joining the club.
On the topic of Schuester and Sue Sylvester bullying the new coach, I wondered how long it would be before Schue’s conscience kicked in and ruined it for him. Sure enough, it was well before the end credits rolled. Which brought him right back into Sue’s targets again. Their alliances never last long. Still, I’m wondering if Coach Beiste isn’t a more shrewd operator than the duelling teachers give her credit for – she had a little bit of a smirk on her face after she turned their pizza delivery prank into a treat for the football team. Watch this space, sportsfans.
All in all, a very entertaining hour from Glee. Of course, they weren’t relying too heavily on past plotlines, so it’ll take a couple of episodes before we can tell if the series will be ad inconsistent as it was last season. But for now, glad to have our favourite characters back and not a Journey song in sight! Might be nice to hear some contemporary songs this season!
Quotes from Audition
- Sue: “I like being friends with you Will. This is fun. You make not trying to destroy Glee club easy. You know why? Because you’re doing such a bang-up job of it all by yourself.”
- Bieste: “Do not get up in the Panther’s business, lady. You’re all coffee and no almond.”
- Schuester: “They say we only sing show tunes and 80’s pop, let’s show them how down we are.”
- Sue: “Bieste needs to be stopped, and I need your help to topple her.”
- Tina: “Mike tries to be into what I’m into. Like his abs.”
- Puck: “Dude, your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there.” Sam: “I don’t know, I’ve never had any balls in my mouth. Have you?”
- Kurt: “Look Rachel, Mercedes and I are about as self-involved as they come. But more than anything we wanna beat Vocal Adrenaline. And if there’s someone at the school that can help us do that, they’re in.”
- Sue: “I don’t want you anywhere near my squad. You’ll deafen them with the sound of your stretchmarks rubbing together.”
- Sue: “The big deal is that a person who has to pump her nonies full of gravy to feel good about herself clearly doesn’t have the self-esteem to be my head cheerleader.”
- Sue: “Are you turning on me? In public? The two of you are making a very serious mistake today, the like of which has not been seen since the Mexican Indians sold Manhattan to George Washington for an upskirt photo of Betsy Ross.”
Songs from this episode
- Jay-Z/Alicia Keys – Empire State Of Mind
- Lady Gaga and Beyonce – Telephone
- Poison – Every Rose Has Its Thorn
- Travie McCoy ft Bruno Mars – Billionaire
- Beyonce – Listen
- Don’t know what the final song was – if you know, please leave a comment!