Right, so [[Gossip Girl (TV Series)|Gossip Girl]] has been this guilty pleasure kind of telly watching. It’s the kind of empty, trashy crap that your wife watches, then you find yourself coming into the room and sitting on the edge of the sofa, drawn in by the goddess that is Blake Lively and suddenly you’ve watched a whole episode. It’s junk food TV.
So last season ended on a cliffhanger of epic proportions – Chuck Bass getting shot. Let’s cut to the chase here, because a frustrating thing in television is the big, dramatic, death of a character at the end of a season – only for that person to turn up alive again. Well, guess what? Chuck’s alive and well, and living in Paris.
That’s the thing with Gossip Girl, nobody ever sits still – Serena (Lively) and Blair (Leighton Meester) are taking some girl time in the French capital too. And Serena’s been banging her way round the Parisian service industry due to a self-confessed weakness for waiters and bartenders. She’s also waiting for the right time to tell Blair she got accepted for Columbia.
Blair, on the other hand, lets her jealousy of the leggy willowy blonde get the better of her when it seems that she’s bagged a Prince on a blind date. After she dramatically withdraws her friendship (by pushing Serena into a fountain), she returns to the restaurant hoping to bag herself the Prince instead of the chauffeur she got stuck with. It turns out that the Prince and the chauffeur had swapped roles, and Blair had exposed herself as a vapid, status-obsessed socialite.
I can’t stand Blair, so watching her get her comeuppance (which happens with startling regularity) is enormously satisfying. You’d think after four seasons of this show, she’d have matured or learned her lessons. But she’s always throwing herself into these situations where she gets slapped down one way or another. Learn some humility, Blair.
Dan: The Man With The Pram
So it looks like Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgely) has accepted his fate: he’s the daddy to crazy Georgina’s (Michelle Trachtenberg) sprog. But he’s doing his level best to keep it a secret. Well, until Georgina walks into a function Lily’s holding and outs him.
A strange scene this one, because clearly no-one trusts Georgina at all. Yet, when she pulls out her own DNA results ‘proving’ Dan’s the father, all talk of paternity tests goes out the window. Even the ridiculously named Rufus stops pressing for proof. Idiots! Don’t they watch the soaps? Everyone knows when a two-faced bitch turns up on your doorstep claiming the baby they have is yours, you get your own verifiable DNA tests done. Important life lesson right there, readers.
Naturally, Georgina is up to something – involving covert phone calls to someone in a Slavic language, and she slips out of the apartment the next day while Dan and the baby are sleeping. Looks like the ever-serious Dan may be waking up as a single father. I’m assuming that since he’s signed the birth certificate that there’ll be some scheme to extort money from the family in the near future.
Lily finds out that Chuck’s (Ed Westwick) not paid the mortgage on The Empire since he went off the grid in May. No-one else really cares. Well, until a corpse with Chuck’s wallet washes up in Paris.
Nate’s (Chace Crawford) whoring it up with Chuck’s little black book. A thinly-disguised metaphor for burgers versus steak turns up when he takes a bimbo to a restaurant and meets the very lovely Juliette. He tries to get her number, but she rebuffs him. Oh, and she seems to be some kind of private investigator.
Brilliant start to the fourth series of Gossip Girl. There seem to be more than your average ‘people with hidden agendas’ plotlines – Georgina with her mysterious phone calls, whoever the blonde is who’s sticking to Chuck and now Juliette’s mysterious FlashForward-style noticeboard.
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