Jaye Nolan's blog

X-Factor - Musings

So, these themes they have each week to prove the contestants versatility - they're all pop songs pretty much aren't they? George Michael this week, the diva songs etc - why don't they keep to a genre, ie. the big band week, rock week and include country and western, r'n'b, reggae, show tunes and so on - that'd sort them out, wouldn't it? I'm watching these backwards, by the way, in case you're wondering.

X-Factor: Three out of three for Simon

It's 'Diva' week - I'm literally just watching the videos, so I've no idea about any dramas and gossip this week - which means I can be completely unbiased of course!

Stacey sings a song that's been with me all week At Last, which is completely gorgeous but Stacey doesn't seem too comfortable with it, not her strongest vocal. She needs stagecraft lessons. Oh, I'm agreeing with Simon on the very first one - that's always worrying.

Jamie and Hurt - brilliant, loved it, a terrific vocal - vulnerability and strength. Always concerned about the tea towel - is he waitering somewhere later? A high five for Simon, and why not - spot on song choice!

Rikki, and Respect and Cheryl doing to the boys what Dannii is doing to the girls - handing it to Simon on a Wedgwood, gold plated, diamond encrusted plate. No chance for him to actually sing, he is not Aretha - did the best he could given a lack of actual lyrics. Never going to set the world alight. May be in trouble tonight.

Jodward camp it up again with Britney's Oops I Did It Again and it's a travesty that they'll probabaly stay in while we lose singers who are being given the wrong songs. This was wrong on every level except for the fact that people, including the judges, are all smiling. What can you do?

X-Factor. Or, why do they try to ruin them in the live shows?

First of all, I have to tell you I haven't watched them in order - ITV have not repeated the live show today (Sunday) like they did all the other shows, so I've watched on youtube. I was tempted to write a letter of complaint about the shoddy treatment of BBC licence paying Strictly viewers unable to catch up properly the next day, before I remembered that, actually, I have a life ...

So it was Lucie I saw first - she has her own gorgeous voice, so why make her impersonate Leona? What was the point of that? If I hear about the little village once more I'm going to throw up. And turn that damn wind machine off. Too good to be wasted with the wrong song.

John and Edward, or Jodward, or The Brothers Grim, if they're going to stay a while, are fantastic, if you turn down the sound and turn off your telly. Totally out of their depth, just a flashy school production.

Joe. Lovely young man, loved it. Excellent. No regrets.

X-Factor: The Judges Homes or, the one where Louis decides to put the Irish lads through, regardless.

Notice how they didn’t show Louis’ rapturous meeting with the groups again ... the Overs 25’s are off to Los Angeles where Simon is being helped by Sinitta... what the ... *cue helpless laughter* ... he’d told her she was meeting them at LA Kew Gardens and she wanted to blend in. No, she turned up as a palm tree to get her own back for him denying her a place in Dancing on Ice, but that’s another exclusive I’ve not written yet ... The girls are in Dubai with Dannii and helping out is sister Kylie, can’t get better than that! Cheryl has called on the experience of Pop Idol winner Will Young, to sort out the boys in Morocco, whilst Louis decided to give rainy Dublin a miss this year and took the groups to rainy Italy instead – with Ronan Keating!

Boys up first:

X-Factor - Boot Camp

The judges have a plan – to put the best singers through. Or not. We’ll see, shall we, there are only 24 places available and 200 acts wanting them. Their first challenge, sort themselves into teams of three, with each act to take lead vocal, pick a song and rehearse. Some are gone within the first few minutes, we don’t even hear a note. Alesha deliberately picked two duff duos to make herself sound good – there’s popular, love. She’ll go far, at least all the way to the Sugababes. They’re shocking so far, all completely unprepared. The red headed girl with the odd looking dancer sounded ok. Graziellea, Shar and Shaniece, made a good team, if the vocals were a bit dodgy. Lucie, Kandy Rain, Jamie all through. Miss Fitz turn up without Jemma and it’s bigger news now than anything else – where is she? The other bands are all whooping with delight, obviously, because Miss Fitz were the band to beat. Rumours suggest she’s been offered a contract with Disney – Good Luck, Jemma, if it’s true. Those twin boys, amusing the first time round, were a pain this time but they’re through. Treyc, Olly, Shanna through – William, our older wannabe is out, he sang his song clutching a piece of scrap with the lyrics on it!

X-Factor: 100th and 101th Episodes

Is there really any need for a cavalcade for goodness sake, they are not Presidents! And think of the environment! Richard the scary-eyed singer songwriter of peace songs. Just told work he’s bunked off, lol. Very energetic, some rhythm there – have heard worse – but no. Even Cheryl’s been booed. Nice Shawl, Maggie Aboud – came in handy to stuff in peoples ears because that noise she issued was excrutiating. Morris, 76, has 800 female fans in Southend alone. Poor Delilah just got murdered a second time. I’ve blocked Chelsey Fletcher from my mind. On the other hand, Ethan the American is niiiiiiice. Think he can do better, song didn’t stretch him – think Simons feels the same. Fay Bray thinks it’s Miss World – I want to work with children and animals and do good blah blah blah – but then it turns out that is her nature. Can someone tell Dermot to put his tongue away. Comes across as one of those who just want to be famous and doesn’t care what for BUT she does have a strong voice, not particularly musical, but potential with a voice coach and a stylist ... TreyC I thought a bit screechy, not convinced, there’s another rocker in the shape of Carl Lewis (No, not that one) Harmony Hood my fave so far, did actually sound like they said on the tin or namebadge, whatever ...

X-Factor: Over to you, Jazz

Diana Watson – did she get confused and think it was Britain’s Got Talent, only she turned up as a duo with her dog Jazz – lovely little face but a bit vicious (the dog, not Diana) it nearly had Dermot’s finger off and it didn’t even sing a note! But then, neither did Diana ... cut to Jazz looking a bit peeved.

John Cassidy – Dannii’s face said it all – cut to Jazz looking smug – Gisela Lee murdered Alicia Keys and asked why they said no “Because you can’t sing.” Cut to Jazz growling. Gordon Rush “sings” achey  breakey heart and gives us an achey breakey headache. Cut to Jazz nipping Dermot’s ankles. End of Part One *Slashes wrists*

Carla Schettini has a tartan tie for Louis – am I missing something? Attempts ‘If You Don’t Know Me By Now’ ... we all sing back “we’ll never never never know you, bye ... byebyebyebye ...”

X-Factor: Third Week Report - Must Do Better

So, they hook us in with a few terrific performances in the first two weeks and then what happens - we get some nice voices but the best we can finish with this week is Phooey!

When Alan Busby walked out and said "It's not just about the singing" I thought, Oh, God, here we go. When the going gets tough, the audience get singing. Dermot, please stop dancing. In fact, Alan, please stop dancing. Four no's but nice to meet you - he blamed his jumper.

Then we had Gurdeep Dhillon - what was he doing? Tom Idelson, Prince Wannabe - Steve Loczy, wannabe Billy Ray Cyrus singing Dolly Parton "Do you like country music Simon?" "Not any more!" -  GWS (Guy With Style), real name Ian, the MC Hammer wannabe *can't stop laughing* Goodness, is it the break already? How time flies when I'm PMSL on the floor.

2 Gorgeous 4 Words - Let's Hear it For The Boy - always dodgy. Twelve came to their auditions; I'd hate to hear the other nine. Louis' fave new word is "Never".

Finally, Ashanti Webbe turns up. She's not amazing, but is without doubt the best - the only - singer so far. Think she'll struggle though. I'm agreeing with Simon again. Worrying, isn't it? Maybe we didn't hear enough.

X-Factor: Rise of the Misfits - and rise of the Miss Fitz!

Yes, I know, I'm very late. I have a life, what can I say, other than "So?"

This first part had all the makings of a total set-up - we all know that the judges don't sit through all those queues so why the hell do we have to suffer the Alan Walton, Krisztina, Andrew Ellis, Children of the Earth and Simon?

Benrouz could at least hold a note - but my heart is heavy at the thought of another Chico ...the crowd like him, they're going to say yes, except Simon. I found myself on his side throughout this show -

Michael Hough? No, Cheryl, it didn't suit him at all. Dreadful. Oh, Stop it NOW Louis - Rochelle Morrison, amazing? They've lost it, finally. She was crap. And Victoria Hughes. NO NO NO - oh, please FFS - have Louis, Dannii and Cheryl had bungled ear transplants this week or what?

Come on Rozelle Philip, show 'em how it's done with One Night Only, big song, bit shaky in places but this is more like it, needs some coaching. Best so far and properly likeable.