Secret Diary Of A Call Girl, Season 4, Episode 1, review

Well everybody, Belle’s back and in eight short episodes she’ll be saying goodbye forever. Time for Secret Diary Of A Call Girl to start wrapping up its untidy plot threads and answer the question of whether Ben and Belle will get together in the end.

Funny thing about Ben, but I don’t rate him much. Clearly the two have feelings for each other, but he’s a bit of a pest, all needy and wanting his feelings to be reciprocated. There’s plenty of stuff for Ben to work out with his therapist, if you know what I mean…

But before Ben even makes an appearance, Belle’s up to her eyeballs in craziness – beginning with trying to sort out a dysfunctional lawyer who can’t orgasm and ending by taking on her nemesis Stephanie’s business while Stephanie herself is in prison for money laundering. Never a dull moment in the prostitution game, is there?

The scenes with the lawyer, Liam, were brilliant. No matter what tricks Belle would try, she couldn’t get him to climax. It was only when she detected that he was turned on by the risk of being discovered that she went off and found herself a cloak and wig and straddled him while playing the part of a QC. Of course, there’s nothing we can say to intellectualise this kind of scene – it’s pure fantasy and the setting of a stuffy old law office perfect for Belle’s brand of debauchery. I’m sure that kind of thing happens all the time, right lawyers?

Oh, and did anybody else think Liam was a tiny bit like Colin Firth’s character in Bridget Jones’ Diary? Just saying.

Not only does Belle end up managing Stephanie’s affairs for her, she finds herself with a house guest after returning to her new, leafy suburban house. Stephanie’s kindly left her daughter to stay with Belle while she pretends she’s on a headhunting job in Saudi Arabia. That story thread never got fully explored, but I’m guessing that there’ll be plenty of hassle for Belle in coming weeks. Especially if next week’s teaser is anything to go by!

I wonder if Ben will end up getting together with Stephanie’s daughter when he gets tired of waiting for Belle?

The thing about Secret Diary Of A Call Girl is that the episodes are frustratingly short. No sooner had the show set up the basic premise for Season 4 than the titles began to roll. Though reading back on my old Secret Diaries reviews, it’s the fact that the show doesn’t outstay its welcome that’s part of its charm. You get a raunchy sex scene, some romantic mooning  from Ben and other assorted vulgarity, then it’s gone, leaving you to wait for your next fix. ’til next week Belle… (passes envelope)…

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