Single Review: 3OH!3 ft. Ke$ha – ‘My First Kiss’

3OH!3 are an oddity, aren’’t they? Quite a ridiculous name for a two-piece group, and until now, they’ve neither been ‘3’ nor made me go ‘OH’, unless of course you count the groans of half dislike, half disappointment I made every hour or so whenever ‘‘Starstrukk’ came on Radio 1.

You see, Nathaniel and Sean (3OH!3 to you and I) have so far proven to us they have a way with a catchy chorus, have the credentials to collaborate with big American stars like Ke$ha and Katy Perry, as well as knowing how to use sound effects in their music, which only adds to the catchiness. But thanks to their shallow lyrics that deal with pretty much the same subject in every song, they’ve never really appealed to a more… grown up demographic.

This is probably because they get most of their ideas from a textbook called ‘How To Bag A Hit In The World Of Icky Teenaged Pop’ by Ke$ha, or something along those lines.

Step 1: The 3 C’s

Controversy: Take risks; in what you sing and how you look in your videos, for example, you could carelessly sing about how you’ve “gotta kiss under the bleachers” with a big grin on your face. And you could look like you’ve drunk a too many espressos, whilst your eyes are so wildly vacant they give the impression you’re partial to a bit L and S of the D variety.

Confidence: Don’t just sit there, twiddling you’re thumbs, sitting on a box and singing timidly. Jump about, clamber onto car bonnets, rub up against someone else, male or female etc, etc. Don’t forget that Confidence must be conveyed in the music as well – don’t just sing – shout a little too; intimidate your audience, and never be afraid of a close-up of your gob because that’s the sign of the ultimate Confident.

Candour: Don’t beat about the bush; don’t hide behind every metaphor under the sun – who’s even heard of those these days? Say want you to say upfront and don’t flinch; ignore the repercussions and continue to push the envelope. This is best shown in the lyrics, so add some egotistical comments about how you can do things to other people better than anyone else can.

Step 2: Have a great video

A great video consists of people having fun, and lots of colour. Sex sells these days, so if you latch some deliberately trashy, sex-selling singer/rapper onto the song and get them to feature in the video, you’re half way there. But you can’t just have this trashy star of choice doing nothing – get them to smooch at the camera in trashy make-up, and to add to the all-important Sex Factor, have random people from all walks of life randomly kissing – this will please multi-ethnic pro-active groups.

Step 3: Make it damn catchy

Making it catchy will ensure people will remember you’re song. Add lots of vocal riffs – “Oooh”s will do. And make the chorus stand out – make it the explosive climax they’ve all been waiting for, it’ll be a great chance to exercise those 3 C’s we taught you about earlier.

Step 4: Look great in to video

At this point, 3OH!3 close the book.

So, whilst the lead single from their third album ‘Streets Of Gold’, is unlikely to change the each individuals opinion of the duo, it’ll most certainly cement their reputation for a penning a catchy chorus with a highly danceable production.

But what’s most annoying, is Nathaniel Motte just blurting some shouty lyrics that appear horribly degrading to women – “Lips like liquorice, tongue like candy/Excuse me miss, but can I get you in your panties?” Fortunately for 3OH!3, Pop is the one business in the world where sexually degrading lyrics sell faster than an issue of ‘Heat’ with a page spread of Peter André’s groin.

Rating: 3.5 STARS

Download: July 5, 2010

Featured Album: ‘Streets Of Gold’

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