What? Don’t be looking at me. Stop it. Now. As if I’d know what on God’s Earth a bloody G6 is? Or who Dev is for the matter. Mind you, he’s not being very specific with his name there, is he? And what’s with that asterisk? Oh well, no point stopping to dwell: there’s reviewing to be done.
There are times, often uncommon, when you truly don’t know what to think. It’s not necessarily the same as not knowing what to say, because that’s usually induced by too many thoughts or being so dumbfounded by one thought that lots of mini-thought ensue. It’s quite a shocking moment when you can’t think because half of you is internally complaining about why you can’t think and the other is trying to remember your original train of thought. That’s what happened upon my first listen of ‘Like A G6’, a song so apocalyptically bad it doesn’t just put shame on British music, it urinates on it outside a local Aldi after a night of getting “slizzered”. And no, I’m not all too attuned as to what that means either, but my guess is something along the lines of a substantial amount of L and S of the D variety, washed down with half-price Lambrini being passed of as “bubbly”.
So let me just stop you right there, whichever one of the credited ‘artists’ it was that unleashed that abomination upon my ears. I actually don’t understand where this song is going. At all. When I first heard it, it gave the impression it was building up to something big and exciting, but then all I heard when I managed to survive that dire excuse for a rap, was a repeat of the beginning of the song. So it turns out the chorus is almost undetectable amongst the series of bleeps and rhythm-less synthesised percussion. Add to that the singer’s vocal performance makes Ke$ha look like the hardest-working girl alive and the song is up there with The Black Eyed Peas new ermm… ‘song’ and somehow making it look like an audio masterpiece.
So that’s no structure, no rhythm, no clear melody, no effort in the vocal department, no inclination that the guest rapper knows anything other that to rap about his ego and his parties, and all in all one of the most boring musical endeavours since Katy B’s ‘Katy On A Mission’.
Now, here’s the thing: I’ve already established my dislike for Dubstep, because it is basically an anaemic form of DnB, but at least when Katy B released ‘Katy On A Mission’ I respected it’s appeal to others, and not just my own, biased opinion. However, with ‘Like A G6’, there are no redeeming qualities to be had. Any idiot can sit at a computer, come up with a semi-catchy riff, repeat it to death through just under four minutes and add some futuristic bleeps and spitzy hand-claps over it, but the end result is something that sounds cheap, uninventive and above all, lazy.
Well, that was predictable wasn’t it?
I don’t know what else to say about this, because it’s pretty crap, if I’m being honest. I’ve tried and I’ve tried to understand the huge hype following it’s peak at #1 on the US Billboard 200 Chart, and I’ve tried to understand why it’s currently invading the Top 10 of our home chart, but it makes no sense. Who is buying this? And why? I put forward the same question to those buying The Black Eyed Peas’ new single.
Mind you, both The Black Eyed Peas and Far*East Movement are signed to the same label, which, incidentally, also holds the recording contract of one Lady GaGa. Interscope Records seem to be a very experimental label don’t they? Sometimes it works, clearly, but others, have all the appeal of a week old spam fritter.
Rating: 0.5 STARS
Download: November 15, 2010 (OUT NOW)
Featured Album: ‘Free Wired’