Single Review: Katie Price – ‘Free To Love Again’

There are some artists out there, who should not consider themselves ‘artists’; let’s think about what the word ‘artist’ shall we?

An artist is someone who has exceptional creativity, can strive to create something innovative from a blank canvas (literally and metaphorically speaking). They need be able to imagine the concept purely by themselves, rather than be guided like guinea pigs into doing something that isn’t their invention, they must also know how they want to create said invention, as well as have background knowledge in a certain area before traipsing haphazardly into a minefield of snobby, prejudiced critics: the viewer/user/listener etc, etc.

These rules are very similar for music artists, you cannot expect march into one of the most esteemed and respected areas of creative artistry in modern day society and expect to produce a ‘hit’ off the back of your own popularity. Most of the time, this rule should be written in blood on the bedroom walls of the likes of JLS, Cheryl Cole, Susan Boyle, Jedward and Same Difference, who are pretty much metaphorical blemishes on the face of pop; the shiny, man-made face of pop. And sometimes, an unshaven, heavy drunkard with shabby clothes like like Susan Boyle or Jedward  stumbles into the immaculate board room, with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of their favourite cheap plonk in the other, and really blemishes the world of pop music with it’s fake smile and desperate attempts to buy more fame on top of the fame they already (unrightfully) own.

Katie Price is such a person, but seeing as I am now a ‘proper’ music critic (-ish), I am going to be as unbiased as I can about her latest ‘musical’ bid for more fame. Oooh, I feel all smart now.

Well, where to start? It’s clearly an unashamed dance record, with more Auto-Tune than the computer that provided it; it can expect to go down a storm in the clubs whilst we can expect it to have plenty of media coverage if not from MTV and 4Music then channel/cesspool, ITV2.

All the while you’re listening to it, you begin to realise that the song itself is a pretty basic in lyrical context and structure, so nothing too shocking in that department, but then that’s just it – all the making of a proper dance record are missing, replaced by a pretty repetitive chorus that sound like Katie’s singing down a toilet (all the audio layering and studio effects y’know?). The beat sounds very watered-down, like Lady GaGa’s ‘Bad Romance’, but sung by someone like… Eoghan Quigg. Also absent from production is the imperative musical riff or refrain, in fact, there’s pretty much just her voice, a drum machine and one synthesiser. It leaves an awful lot to be desired because by the time you’re about a minute in, you’ve heard the whole song already, after that, it just rehashes what you’ve already heard.

Isn’t it apt that Katie’s singing about letting someone go whom she never loved so they can be “free to love again”. Hmmm, not directed at anyone in particular at all is it? Oh wait, that’s being biased… scratch that, I suppose that’s actually a good thing really… singing a song personal to you, but surely you’d want to do it properly, with no Auto-Tune? Even so, I can’t help but feel she’s not doing this whole thing to get back at a certain Aussie ‘popstar’; she’s just doing it because she’s trying to invade the minds of more helpless teenagers (trust me the adults aren’t going to like this song), because most of them don’t like her.

Unfortunately, there has been no official video as of yet, but this one will do, it’s Katie miming it on pretty much the only news channel that will invite her to do so. And what DOES she have on her head? Is that her own hair? Someone call Louis Walsh and thell him Jedward need to raise their quiffs by a half an inch to compete with THAT thing.

Poor thing, she can’t even mime properly.

The best thing about this song is that it wasn’t a disappointment, because I never expected much anyway. In fact I probably would’ve been more disappointed if the song was very good, and I was forced to like it. But given ‘Free To Love Again’s absence of any memorable hook, I, and in fact you too, will have nothing to worry about, unless you wear you Nike trousers with their waistline by your ankles, and have a penchant for the colloquial term ‘innit’.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is safe to say, Katie Price will never be an ‘artist’. But as seeing as I feel I’m being a little harsh: it is also safe to say she’s more of an artist than JLS are at the moment, which is why she’s got a higher rating than ‘The Club Is Clearly Not Alive’.

Rating: 1.0 STAR

Download: July 12, 2010 (OUT NOW)

Featured Album: N/A

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