WOO GUYS, YEAH! IT’S FIRDAY EVERYBODY. AND SATURDAY COMES AFTERWARDS AND SUNDAY AFTER THAT WOO. FUN FUN FUN FUN.
In this new day and age where mobile phones have so much thought put into their sound systems – even Dolby Digital have been asked to supply sound software for some – you do wonder whatever happened to the ever popular polyphonic ringtones. It’s a sound us younger generation always seem to associate with people who’ve got themselves addicted to Snake yet don’t quite know how to use their oh-so-complicated Nokia 3310 when it comes to actually using it to communicate.
Not a sound then, that you’d expect to be emitted from the vocal chords of one Rebecca Black, a thirteen year old girl, fresh-faced from the only feasible country that would allow this abomination of “music” – the USA. Auto-tuned to within an inch of her life, Rebecca’s single ‘Friday’ is clearly aimed at that teenaged market who just want to party all night long and, considering it’s approaching summer, why not embrace that notion, you might say?
Well, because, for starters, ‘Friday’, an ode to the “start of the weekend fun”, is quite frankly, one of the most diabolically awful audio messes ever to make it beyond the recording stage. It’s a mystery that this is being released as after five listens (clearly a commendable feat), I still fail to find anything remotely positive to say to balance out the truckload of negativity I can and will now throw at it.
Without a doubt, the worst thing about this song is not the auto-tune and her inability to sing without it, or the fact the lyrics are so juvenile a five-year old must’ve written them – “Partyin’, partyin’, yeah!/Fun, fun, fun, fun”, and my personal favourite – “Today is Friday/Tomorrow is Saturday/And Sunday comes afterwards”, or even the unforgivable inclusion of Usher’s ugly older brother trying to rap whilst sitting in some highly furnished box – it’s the fact that dear Rebecca Black here, rather reminds me of the kind of person who’d appear on ‘My Super Sweet Sixteen‘ and thinks the money tossed at her then wasn’t enough, demanding that she “continue her career” and be allowed to release a song, if you can call ‘Friday’ a real song. I just don’t see the point in it all, if not to make her famous as soon as possible, regardless of the quality, or lack thereof, of her material, then what is it for?
This isn’t the way to do music. This isn’t the way to do pop music. It isn’t even the way trash pop should be done. And as a result, Rebecca suffers because the song is a one-dimensional mess giving the impression not anyone behind the scenes shared even one fifth of the pitiful iota of “talent” she herself possesses. Add in a few ad libs towards the end where she appears to be wailing underwater and it really is like seeing one big pile of poo appear on your birthday cake and then having someone come along and vomit on top of it, too.
Besides, Rebecca clearly says “Gotta get down on fried egg”, anyway. No mention of any day of the week to my ears. Nope. Sorry. Not at all.
Here’s the video: She actually looks like she’s possessed. Why does she consistently grin like that? Do you think her cheeks would hurt after it all?
Absolutely appalling. She doesn’t even look like she wants to be in front of the camera. I think we should also all note the fact that, with Rebecca dedicating the entire bridge to whether she should sit in either the front or the back seat, you do begin to wonder whether she was even present whether the video was shot. Green screen anyone? The front seat is clearly not an option as there are already two people occupying them. “Which seat can I taaa-[insert electronic gargling here]-aake?”. Well duh. In the back with you.
‘Friday’, if it’s legitimacy is to be believed, is nothing short of a complete and utter embarrassment to Rebecca, the producers; music as a form of medium itself. The sooner this gets released and tanks, the better.
Rating: 0.5 STARS
Download: March 13, 2011 (OUT NOW)
Featured Album: TBA