Divorce

Poor Pete. It's not four weeks since his marriage broke down and he's already filming a fly on the wall documentary about it. His emotions are raw, his head's not 'in the right place'. And he's in frickin' IKEA buying furniture with well-wishers shouting nice things at him.

I'd have loved to hear someone holler "Don't worry Pete, she's a skanky bitch." Followed by a comedy "Yeah, I had her last week!" in the background.

But it's this documentary that makes me realize how hard Pete had it. Princess Di complained that there were three people in her marriage (referring to Charlie's hang-up with Mrs. Parker-Bowles). You want a crowded marriage, Diana? Try being Petey - he had his split-personality whore in the bedroom, bitch in every other room combo of Jordan/Katie. Then you've got the omnipresent ClaireTheManager, Dave the cameraman and then the sound guy, the nanny and the various occasional hangers-on.

Anyway, it looks like Pete might be getting the ITV2 camera crew as his part of the divorce settlement. Unless they’re planning to share custody or leave it to the crew to choose.

Since it looks like their split wasn't a publicity stunt after all, the big question is: who are you supporting, Katie or Peter?

It looks like a clear-cut case - the nation's tabloids have hailed Andre as 'Saint Peter', while they've dropped back to calling Katie 'Jordan' again. It's hardly a stretch, since she's reverted to Jordan-type behaviour, all crotch and boobs and falling out of nightclubs.

The case for Peter Andre is pretty clear-cut: hard working, down-at-heel husband, devoted family man. Their marriage has been documented by a fly on the wall reality TV series for years. Katie has been seen sniping at Peter for years, and any bickering he does is mostly reactive to her tirades.

The turgid divorce saga between Katie 'Jordan' Price and Peter 'Mysterious Girl' Andre continues apace. Tabloid editors are finally lukewarm on the topic though, because they've got plenty of prone politicians to fry right now. Who cares about a couple of random attention seekers?

Even so, the former couple are getting a fair amount of newspaper commentary. In The Mirror, Fiona Phillips has spoken out about the couple's marriage and where they went wrong:

Ask anyone who's been in a successful marriage for a decent length of time and they'll say 'you have to work at it'. Well, to give them their due, Katie Price and Peter Andre certainly worked at theirs.

They worked at it in glossy magazines, downmarket magazines, on telly, in books - anywhere they could, they worked it. And that's why it's not working.

Despite the volatility of their relationship, it's clear they love each other, but life's got in the way, along with those TV cameras and endless magazine deals.

I've always felt that Jordan comprises that axis of celebrity evil that included herself, Kerry Katona and Jade Goody.

There was a tremor of warning during the summer that Madonna and Guy
Ritchie's marriage was on shaky ground. The rumblings suggested that she'd had
an affair with some sporty type with a ridiculous nickname name that tabloid
editors would love - A-Rod.

Then it all went silent. Up until last week, that is.

We finally got official word last week that Madonna and Guy were going to
divorce. My heart sank. Not for any love of them or their marriage, but because
we have been damned to about six months of tabloid dirt-digging about their
marriage.