Episode Reviews

It's crushes all round in the tenth episode of Glee tonight - this ballad-themed episode has Schuester dealing with an unwanted crush from Rachel, Kurt helping Finn with ulterior motives.

And yes, tonight's the night when Puck finally snaps and tells Mercedes that he is Quinn's babydaddy and not Finn. Oops, did I spoil it for you? Well, there's more to come...

As we've already said, Rachel Berry develops a schoolgirl crush on Will Schuester, which leads to some brilliant comedy and musical moments. First off, is when Schue's wife Terri realises what's going on an manipulates Rachel to come round and clean her house, reasoning to Schue that if she has to put up with perky, younger girls calling for him, then she should get something from it too.

Next, is the Don't Stand So Close To Me/Young Girl medley that Will sings to Rachel as a hint for her to back off. Naturally, she interprets this in exactly the opposite way, but the swooning looks on Rachel and Emma Pillsbury's faces are priceless.

When I reviewed the last episode of Secret Diary Of A Call Girl, I was secretly a little underwhelmed by it. For a moment, it seemed like the series really hadn't got a sense of direction. Funny, but that's something the viewer needs - they need to feel the story has a progression, that it'll be resolved somehow.

Tonight's episode went a little way toward resolving our storyline - basically, Belle was asking the question: Can a prostitute fall in love and have a healthy relationship?

OK, it's a bit difficult to get your head around a call girl saying "You're acting like nothing happened, and frankly I find that a bit odd." This is someone who sells sex as a commodity. But, as usual for Belle, the client provides the answers. Yes, a Robson Green lookalike Jack-The-Lad type tells her that he'd be able to accept her as a prostitute.

And what the episode boils down to is Belle trying to work out if a prostitute can have a normal romantic relationship. Not once does it occur to Jack-The-Lad or her editor 'friend' to offer to save her from her sex worker lifestyle: is that a sign of an egalitarian, modern outlook on the oldest profession in the world, or is Belle's editor just a dirty old hornball?

Well, for the first time in this series of Being Human, we get a glimpse of what's been motivating the evil Kemp in his Van Helsing-esque pursuit of supernatural creatures.

Flashback to 1972, and a much younger Reverend Kemp is returning home from a service to discover his wife and daughter being fed on by vampires. By the time he chases them off with his trusty bible, it's too late. Mother and daughter are dead. This is the stuff vendettas are made of, and Kemp (in 1972) is clearly at the start of a lifelong ambition to rid the world of supernatural creatures.

Even with that crucial piece of backstory, it's hard to understand why Kemp is gunning for such docile critters as Annie, Mitchell and George. OK, so he doesn't know of their struggle to fit in, but he's proven ruthless in his methods with one dead werewolf and an almost-dead Nina in his recent past.

This week, Mitchell's storyline revolves around being betrayed by Lucy - she failed to stake him that morning, but later on gives Kemp enough information to plant a huge bomb in the funeral parlour. Mitchell Aiden Turner has called a meeting of the vamps to step down as their leader - not knowing that Professor Jaggat has booby trapped the place. An explosion rocks the funeral parlour, just as Ivan leaps on Mitchell to push him out of the way.

Minnie Driver is the guest star in Moon Landing, the latest episode of Modern Family. She plays a career bitch from Claire's past who's climbed the corporate ladder and is subtly rubbing Claire's nose in her success.

Of course, while Claire's out reconnecting with her old friend, the Dunphy household is in meltdown. Phil's decided to grow a moustache after someone "Tom Sellecks" his billboard, Haley and Dylan are alternating between on and off, while the other two kids are bringing empty booze bottles into the house. And rats too. So when Claire decides to bring her friend home, the family aren't prepared to impress a stranger. Far from it.

After an hour's worth of that hideous trout-pouting monstrosity that calls itself The Pricey, I was glad beyond words to see Secret Diary Of A Call Girl.

The difference in the self-absorbed ramblings of a fame-obsessed former glamour model versus Billie Piper pretending to be an anything-goes type of prostitute could not be more marked. Secret Diary is a charming and sexy little drama series, more so for following on from the crassness that precedes it. But enough about the Katie Price circus...

In this fourth episode, Belle's crush on her editor is ramping up. She's having some racy fantasies about shagging him on his desk. Well, that's until she actually does shag him. And the reality isn't as cosy and convenient as the fantasy. After they have some hot office sex, Douglas turns weird and can't seem to wait for Belle to leave afterwards.

Caprica: the plot thickens. After the extended first episode, it's time to find out what this series is shaping up to be. Second episode Rebith doesn't offer much in the way of clues. There's a fair bit of plot development, but the viewer is in the dark to a fair degree.

The computer image of Zoe Graystone is now permanent resident in a hulking great robotic body. Imagine being a teenage girl and having your consciousness crammed into an unsightly seven-foot robot - all those body-image issues! Suddenly "Does my butt look big in this?" seems like a trivial question!

Poor ZoeBot. Lumbered with that red-glowing mono-eye. Boyfriends are a thing of the past, unless Daddy Graystone can knock together a boy-toy for her. And it looks like Daniel Graystone has a fair idea that his sorta-daughter is resident in the robot. After all, it's the only one that'll work with the chip that holds Zoe's data.

For the fifth episode of Being Human, the series travels back to 1969 London in order to have a revival of the evil-but-awesome Herrick. This ties into a parallel story for Mitchell (Aidan Turner), which shows him being coerced by Herrick in the past, and blackmailed by Wilson in the present. Spoilers from this point forwards, by the way...

For me, the twin storyline that Mitchell experienced was the best part of this episode. However, the present-day footage was enthralling. Corrupt cop Wilson has Mitchell brought to the station to do him a favour - he wants to have a paedophile prisoner "ripped to shreds" to dispense justice a little more quickly. Mitchell refuses, but Wilson escalates his threats to the vampire community. And when Mitchell orders the paedophile to get himself put in prison - for his own safety - that's not enough for Wilson.

Eventually, Mitchell realises that if he gives in to Wilson, he'll be breaching his own moral code and he'll be indebted to Wilson. In the end, he locks himself into a room and tears open the Police Chief's throat. The special effects department have gotten worryingly good at arterial bleeding this series.

Eleven episodes into the first series of Modern Family, and I realise that I haven't once written a review of it! Needless to say, I'm a huge fan. There's something about this series that's utterly daft, but insightful, warm and funny at the same time.

If you're not familiar with Modern Family yet, it revolves around three branches of the same family - the father Jay Pritchett (married late in life to younger, hotter Gloria) and his children Claire and Mitch. Claire is a mother of three with possibly the geekiest husband ever, while Mitch is living with his partner, the flamboyant Cameron. Mitch and Cameron have adopted a Vietnamese daughter.

The lives of our favourite supernatural flatmates descend deeper into turmoil in the second episode of Being Human. An old friend of Mitchell's needs his help when he murders his human companion. George and Mitchell get involved in trying to cover-up the crime, and when Nina finds out, this hurts her relationship with George even more.

Elsewhere, Annie's developing relationship with Saul hits a rough patch when Terry Wogan begins talking to Saul through the television. I hate it when that happens.

David Tennant's final adventure as Doctor Who wrapped up last night, and what a mixed bag it was. We had the return of the Time Lords, and their subsequent vanquishing about five minutes later at the hands of The Master. There was The Doctor and Wilf stuck aboard the Vinvocci ship, then turning it into a proper battleship with Wilf in the gun turrets!

The whole of humanity got restored in about five seconds flat with one blast from Rasillon's big glove, and Gallifrey appeared above the Earth, freaking out the newly human-again population. The Time Lords have all gone crazy from the Time War and now want to destroy time itself, but the breach of the Time Lock is bringing back everything from the end of the Time War. Confused? I'm gonna have to watch that part again, but it seems like Russell T Davies was hell-bent on bringing the Time Lords back, even if he didn't have a brilliant story to give them.