Reality TV

As if the self-flagellation and over-consumption leading up to this point wasn't enough, Idol has taken it a step further, with more lights, more people, a narrator, and a more concentrated rip-off of actual talent. Still, they aren't half as bad as the Stones themselves, who have been dining out on their own music since the seventies, back when they actually made good stuff.

And the BLOODY sob stories are back! Moving on...

Michael Lynche with Miss You.

Meh. Not as good as he has been, and i think the judges agree somewhat.

I have to say in general that Ryan Seacrest impresses me with his integrity, or as much as one could have within a fifty mile radius of that stage. He stands up to Cowell. Good man.

Didi Benami with Play With Fire.

Oh Didi, your mother gets nervous about your judging? Is it possible that you could not cry about that? Please? 

She looks mightily pissed off, but I have to say, does a great job singing the song. I'm just so sick of her face. She actually has the balls to say she has balls, from living in LA. She makes out that she's tough! HA!

Another bloody action movie trailer beginning, but finally, no lipsynching but I'm not sure Michael Lynche is trying to celebrate with, or strangle Lee Dewyse during Mr Bubble's opus.

Anyways:

Didi's up. Oh please oh please oh please, let me never see that gurning face again...

Sha-hit!

Siobhan. She must be in for sure... word!

Paige and Katelyn. Ooh, Paige, say bye bye. Ah, Seacrest confirms one of them is going, and there's no way it's Katelyn.....

Wait a minute. WAIT A MINUTE! Seriously? I am truly surprised. Paige is talented, but Katelyn always performed much better. I suppose there's no accounting for taste, especially American taste, and I think Paige is as surprised as I am.

Nice goodbye performance Katelyn.

Tim, Todrick, Lee and Casey. One of these four is out? This is a hard one. Ummmm, Todrick is out? Or is it Casey? Damn, this is hard. I know it isn't Lee or Tim, but then, I knew it wasn't Katelyn, either...

Ok, it's not Casey for sure. Todrick then. 

Tim's in. Quelle suprise. MUST be Todrick.

Before I go on - Simon was leaning into Kara. Definitely.

Lee DeWyze with Fireflies by Owl City.

Very effeminate song for a tough guy. Despite him making a decent stab at with his own style, I'm not convinced. He's also a little bit pitchy, which is unforgivable at this stage.

Randy always gives feedback the same way "(Insert urban slang expression here) dawg. Hey listen, I wasn't (metaphoric substitute for "impressed"), but here's what I like about you"

Alex Lambert with Trouble by Ray LaMontagne.

Ooh, he better not balls this song up... and he doesn't for the most part, but Ray has such a unique sound, that this ultimately falls flat. Bad final note, too.

Tim Urban with Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley.

Another great song taken to task. Again, not bad, but not convinced. And the girlies clap clap clap... while the judges gush gush gush. Uughh.

Andrew Garcia with Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera.

Thank God it wasn't Dirrty. Come on esse, don't let me down..... Well, sounds good, but how long can the covers of pop divas last?

Casey James with You'll Think of Me by Keith Urban.

No intro! Like they're actual pros! I can barely contain myself, but this is mainly due to American Idol only being an hour tonight.

Katie Stevens with Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson.

No too bad. Little bit off on some notes, really off on others. Decent big note. Agree with Randy that it's too big for her, and apparently she doesn't know who she is blah blah, but who cares about what song, big, or young or whatever. Bottom line: She didn't sing it well.

Siobhan Magnus with House of the Rising Sun by The Animals.

I'm genuinely interested to see what she does with this, and, well.... she delivers. This girl is honestly a great singer. I thought she might be pushing the kooky shit, but for me, it works. It's like a great diva deigned to sing a bloke's song. She's won me over a little. Her new-found cleavage might have something to do with it, admittedly.

Lacey Brown with The Story by Brandi Carlile.

Brave girl, and she does a great job, but I was waiting for a climactic moment that never came, in a song that should be full of them. Still, those eyes, man.

Katelyn Epperly with I Feel the Earth Move by Carole King.

After an intro that looks and sounds like a bastardized version of a Jeremy Bruckheimer trailer, the drama unfolds...

...and so does the bloody lip-syncing! When is it going to stop? If we have to watch a lipdub of the song, i'd rather watch this. Nonetheless, despite Paige trying to literally upstage everyone, and Siobhan's ree-cock-ulous outfit, I enjoy the little sing-song.

John Park, pick a window, mate. You're leaving.

Yet, he manages to knock out a much better performance of his chosen song. As do all the eliminations, apart from Haeley, who screamed so much, she might have been better off letting Debbie the floor manager do it. I mean it - I winced quite a bit at the end.

Danny Gokey with My Best Days Are Ahead of Me by Danny Gokey

Not great. Almost identical to original artist's version. Some bum notes and pitc...... 

Oh sorry, I really thought he was an inexperienced contestant there. Seems like a nice bloke all the same, as do the eliminations. Yet again, more class shown tonight than I expected. Jermaine Sellers seemed like he had a complaint/excuse/insult hidden away in his blatherings, but that's about it

Forgive me if this blog entry seems a little off. Five minutes from my hotel and the start of American Idol, I hit and killed a deer on a dark road in rural Iowa, making a few nice dents in my car and depriving it of a wing mirror. As if that wasn't bad enough, I then had to go and watch Idol...

Mamma Sox with Long As I See The Light by Creedance Clearwater Revival:

That's my girl - Brilliant brilliant brilliant.

Haeley Vaughn with The Climb by Miley Cyrus:

Pretty good, loses some volume and some pitch.

At this point, Simon makes a joke about climbing/falling off, and Seacrest attacks him for the uselessness of it. Good on you, Iron Hoof.

Lacey Brown with Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer: 

Much better than last time. One or two off notes. Interesting arrangement. I agree with judges that she needs to step it up, but she is still my second favorite.

Where are these booers coming from? They sound exactly the same every week, and seem British, for some reason. Seriously, I get the distinct feeling that I'm watching the Saturday Superstore when they erupt. 

I’m upset tonight, for two reasons.

The first, Crystal Bowersox is sick and in hospital, forcing the guys to perform tonight instead. She must’ve have had an attack of her latent i’mtootalentedtobeinvolvedwiththisshit-itis. It’s not a major cause for concern though, as none of the other girls appear to be afflicted with it.

Anyways, I’ll be nice this time and throw in the song info. Andiamo…

Michael Lynche with Mans World, by James Brown:

I’m not a fan of this dude, but he really was very very good. I honestly can’t think of anything to criticize him on.

John Park with Gravity by John Mayer:

Ickle bit pitchy and breathy, and he looked terrified. Not great.

Seacrest takes a break here to ask me if I want some more idol in my life. Umm, not so much.

Casey James with I Don’t Want To Be by Gavin McGraw.:

Throws down with the electric guitar, but he plays it better than he sings. At least he has the decency to admit others are better. Not even Kara likes him this week. Oh, and way too much makeup.  Now, if only the lightning had’ve hit him, instead of the TV

Alex Lambert with Everybody Knows by John Legend:

After four additional hours of Idol this week, tonight's show was mercifully short, and seemed to go by fast. Fortunately for you, so will my blog. Before I begin, I have two questions for you all:

1.    Was American Boy mimed tonight? Sure looked like it was.
2.    Are Lacey’s beautiful eyes actually colored contacts?
3.    Am I betraying my country by using American spellings?

Never mind that last one. All of the eliminations made sense, since they were poor performances, as I pointed out the last two days, and they repeated them, to a tee, tonight. Still, every one of them had a very classy reaction to the bad news, except the one elimination I would have predicted for sure: Tyler Grady.

Like I said before, I have literally no idea how he even got to Hollywood. I thought his initial audition was a joke, and he had the audacity to blame the judges for his lack of talent tonight. Good riddance to bad rubbish, but I at least hope he had the good sense to steal that spa robe he liked so much.

On the other end of the spectrum - did you see Tim's face when he realized he wasn't getting kicked out? He was so shocked. Me too, mate. Me too.

Girlies, move over, it’s time for the guys who mostly look and act like girls. Not great, not great at all. Is this the way it is every season at the first live performances? I must admit that this show has given me a new appreciation of the pros, I mean the good ones. They nail it, every, time. No pitchiness, no bum notes, always cohesive.

Just goes to show we’ve been spoiled by the Marvin Gayes and Lionel Ritchies of this world, because this lot had the negatives in spades. Nerves, again, I think. In short:

Todrick Hall – Boring song, but made it his own. Nothing amazing. For no good reason, we cut to Aaron during the judge's comments.

Aaron Kelly – Good choice of song, but very nervous. Still think he’s a great kid with a soulful voice.

Jermaine Sellers – Very breathy with some seriously weird high notes. Not a fan. The American Idol Coke Cup™ has more personality.

Tim Urban – Bad replacement for Golightly; did a poor man’s version of Apologize. Loaded with plosives and a shitty falsetto. To wit: Absolute ballix.

Joe Munoz –Chorus was pitchy. Pretty blah.

Let me get something out of the way. Michael Lynche WAS indeed sitting on American Idol tonight. It looks like reports of his celebrity demise have been grossly over exaggerated. I can sleep easy.

Yet, this is not about the boys, this is about the girls, and what (at the risk of sounding like a letch) a remarkably pretty bunch. If I were a cynical man, which I am, I’d assume that they were chosen for their looks as well as talent. Ah, maybe I’m just being silly; hope springs eternal.

I have to say the nerves were getting to them, and agree with the judges in their comments about bum notes, wrong keys, soporific performances, copycatting and a bad choice of song. Cowell belabored the latter two points, and I’ve gotten over the fact that the man knows his pop, and sometimes actually talks sense; some of the decisions in this regard were poor. Indeed, even Ellen gave some criticism. I think the sky might be falling.