xfactor

Anyone planning to see the boys in their final few legs of their current tour, you are in for a phenomanal night out.

It always puzzled me why their management made the hasty decision to enforce them onto a somewhat 'smaller venue' theatre tour, but by god am i pleased they did.

i'l be honest, i doubt very much they will EVER play some of these intimate venue's again (until maybe in 10/15 years time when they'v been and gone and decide to reform) so if your going to one of these gigs - make the most of it, and if, like me , you are lucky enough to be on the front row, you will certainly get up close and personal to them .

i'm going to brush very quickly over the first support act of the night - simply because if they cant be bothered to sing 'live' to 5 of their 'own' songs at a 'live' gig then why should they recieve any justification of being there. Phacebook are another  5 piece girlgroup squeezing themselves into not only size 0 clothes but an already overcrowded girlband market. Dont get me wrong they are very all very pretty ladies indeed, some of their songs were very catchy and sounded good, but we already have The Saturdays thanks.

You see, I go out for one lousy night and look what happens? Who'd have thought my one vote for Danyl would have made such a difference. Sorry, Danyl, I'll vote twice next week.

First of all, I have to tell you I haven't watched them in order - ITV have not repeated the live show today (Sunday) like they did all the other shows, so I've watched on youtube. I was tempted to write a letter of complaint about the shoddy treatment of BBC licence paying Strictly viewers unable to catch up properly the next day, before I remembered that, actually, I have a life ...

So it was Lucie I saw first - she has her own gorgeous voice, so why make her impersonate Leona? What was the point of that? If I hear about the little village once more I'm going to throw up. And turn that damn wind machine off. Too good to be wasted with the wrong song.

John and Edward, or Jodward, or The Brothers Grim, if they're going to stay a while, are fantastic, if you turn down the sound and turn off your telly. Totally out of their depth, just a flashy school production.

Joe. Lovely young man, loved it. Excellent. No regrets.

The judges have a plan – to put the best singers through. Or not. We’ll see, shall we, there are only 24 places available and 200 acts wanting them. Their first challenge, sort themselves into teams of three, with each act to take lead vocal, pick a song and rehearse. Some are gone within the first few minutes, we don’t even hear a note. Alesha deliberately picked two duff duos to make herself sound good – there’s popular, love. She’ll go far, at least all the way to the Sugababes. They’re shocking so far, all completely unprepared. The red headed girl with the odd looking dancer sounded ok. Graziellea, Shar and Shaniece, made a good team, if the vocals were a bit dodgy. Lucie, Kandy Rain, Jamie all through. Miss Fitz turn up without Jemma and it’s bigger news now than anything else – where is she? The other bands are all whooping with delight, obviously, because Miss Fitz were the band to beat. Rumours suggest she’s been offered a contract with Disney – Good Luck, Jemma, if it’s true. Those twin boys, amusing the first time round, were a pain this time but they’re through. Treyc, Olly, Shanna through – William, our older wannabe is out, he sang his song clutching a piece of scrap with the lyrics on it!

Diana Watson – did she get confused and think it was Britain’s Got Talent, only she turned up as a duo with her dog Jazz – lovely little face but a bit vicious (the dog, not Diana) it nearly had Dermot’s finger off and it didn’t even sing a note! But then, neither did Diana ... cut to Jazz looking a bit peeved.

John Cassidy – Dannii’s face said it all – cut to Jazz looking smug – Gisela Lee murdered Alicia Keys and asked why they said no “Because you can’t sing.” Cut to Jazz growling. Gordon Rush “sings” achey  breakey heart and gives us an achey breakey headache. Cut to Jazz nipping Dermot’s ankles. End of Part One *Slashes wrists*

Carla Schettini has a tartan tie for Louis – am I missing something? Attempts ‘If You Don’t Know Me By Now’ ... we all sing back “we’ll never never never know you, bye ... byebyebyebye ...”