Just to prove that Lady Gaga and Beyonce haven’t got a total monopoly on the “songs about telephones” market, Taio Cruz’s latest takes on the controversial subject of picture messaging.
That’s right – slap bang in the middle (or tail end) of the Ashley Cole picture messaging scandal, Taio releases Dirty Picture. Excellent timing! And then cleverly claims that he offered the song to Cheryl Cole, but she rejected. Didn’t she do that with Break Your Heart as well? Silly girl – she rejects the songs and he has the big hits with them instead. Maybe Taio should cut out the middle man and record the songs he writes without offering them to Cheryl?
Now, our own RandomEnigma reviewed Dirty Picture a while back and seemed underwhelmed by Taio’s fairly lazy efforts. Is that a fair synopsis, Random? For me though, it’s one of the better chart songs I’ve heard lately. Okay, it doesn’t fill me with hope for Taio’s musical range – it seems he can write one type of song, albeit rather well.
The guest vocal from Ke$ha is predictably trashy, as she performs her bit from the sanctity of a toilet cubicle. Probably so no-one else could catch anything from the vile tinker. I thought by this point I’d be warming to Ke$ha, but the wasted tramp look flies right over my head. Her lines are slurred/drawled in the usual way, like she’s still working her way through the crate of sour mash the Jack Daniels company sent her when she released Tik Tok. As for the image, she’s the poster girl for date rape victims. Not glamourous at all.
As for the video, it’s yer by-the-numbers club vid, but with some inexplicable footage of Cruz driving through the desert, shades on, singing his first verse. Totally not the same as Break Your Heart, where he sped across the ocean in his boat, shades on, singing the first verse. This man was born to break molds! Nothing formulaic here, move along people!
However, by this point we should be writing Dirty Picture off as utter tripe. But when the scores are added up, Cruz comes out looking pretty good. So what if it’s a bit samey, didn’t we like Break Your Heart? And I’ve gotta give respeck to him, he’s the most honest guy on the R&B scene today: the song starts out in typical romantic R&B style, but basically all Taio wants is a dirty picture. He’ll tell you upfront that he’s gonna break your heart, then request a dirty pic to his mobile phone. You’ll always know where you stand with Taio, ladies!