The Apprentice: Flog it! Or give it away, whatever.

Let me say here and now – my 72 year old mum would’ve slaughtered this lot. She recently picked up a box of ‘junk’ for £2.30 and the running total she’s made on it so far totals over £200. And why is that? Because she read the books properly and checked out what every bit of the so called ‘junk’ was actually worth before re-selling! I bet she had her Millers Price guide open and was shouting at the telly. I wonder if there’s an upper age limit for applicants.

Sir Alan sends Kate to Ignite, making Philip team leader – so regardless of what happens, we know that Kate will not be going into the boardroom! Noorul takes Kate’s place in Empire and Ben ‘My Leadership Skills Were Wanted by Sandhurst’ gets to show us if it’s true. It isn’t. He’s already banging on about what a tough task it is: To value and sell ten items. And Sir Alan makes it clear that there are gems amongst the junk. SO CONCENTRATE ON SELLING THOSE FIRST! Alas, they didn’t hear him properly; only Lorraine seems to understand the instruction, but Philip refuses to listen to her again, he’s taking things at face value: old shoes and a new rug, who’d want them? He’s rescued by pure luck that a man in the pub has wanted a skeleton all his life and parts with £160! Margaret’s feet are aching, she’s fed up with the door-to-door rug sales. Were they not allowed to see if there were any local auctions or antiques fairs going on in the area? Would they not have been better places to sell some of these items, instead of wandering the streets? Do they not have internet access to do their research?

Ben is totally panicking, hasn’t got a clue what to do, thank God he turned down Sandhurst – can you imagine what he’d be like under fire? Noorul, after setting up the meeting with the poor student to flog their skeleton, decides not to proceed with the sale, so Ben takes what he can. Nice bloke, Noorul, just hopeless.

Philip is panicking too, still carting the rug about – I reckon the man they offload it on is either a) pissed b) put up to it or c) knows a bargain when he sees it. So both teams make a loss, Ignite lose less and are treated to a truffle dinner; Empire are left squabbling in the boardroom, as Ben faffs around before finally deciding to bring back Debra with Noorul – it was always going to be him, wasn‘t it – but Ben initially said James! Debra talked herself into, mouthing off at Nick and could easily have found herself gone. I really wouldn’t miss any of these three, they’ve given me a right royal headache. But Noorul it is – figured the first opportunity he’d have, Sir Alan would take it.

Ben is the one that got away – incompetent from start to finish. All mouth and trousers.

A good night for quotes: “Whoever employs him better get a receipt.” Sir Alan on Noorul.

“A concrete mind. Thoroughly mixed but set in his ways.” Sir Alan on Philip.

“If anybody knows how to use silence, you do.” Alvin hall to Noorul

“There might be a village missing an idiot.” Sir Alan re James.

But my favourite: “You’re totally spineless and you shat your pants!” James to Ben. Respect!

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