The Apprentice: The Right Smelly Stuff

Sir Alan meets them all in Kew Gardens, their task: to produce two natural beauty care products. He mixes up the teams – Yasmina, Debra and Paula to Empire, with Paula as Team Leader; Howard and Kimberley to Ignite, led by Noorul. Well, I say “led by” …Noorul was about as much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest. Make that a Ben kicking contest. Because we’d all love to, wouldn’t we?

Empire opt for collecting seaweed and are guided to crab infested section of shore by Laurence Llewellyn Bowen, moonlighting presumably and no say in the choice of overalls. James shows his wimpy side but actually had some good advice again, for the team. And it’s the second week running it’s ignored! *Tuts* Sir Alan had warned them too: Costings. Costings. So immediately Paula and Yasmina get caught out on the difference between £26 per kilo and £1200 per kilo – come on, it’s an easy mistake. Can any of us really put our hands on our hearts and say we wouldn’t have done the same?

Empire’s products looked terrific and sold well, Ignite’s …er. Well, they got rid of it all in the end. The real honeycomb in the middle made it look and feel soggy and the only person who genuinely wanted a batch was the Honey Monster. Wearing beekeeper suits not the best idea either – London probably thought it was under biological attack. Especially those coming up the escalators at Bond Street. (I wrote that before Andy. P said it on ‘You‘re Fired’ honest!) Not a good place to sell either, as the Empire team found out earlier: “They all seem to be on their way somewhere.” Well, duh!

So it all came down to costings. Empire should have won, would have won, if Paula and Yasmina had gone with the Cedarwood instead of the Sandalwood and made a profit of over £500 instead of a loss. Noorul, who was definitely history, was the one that got away. Instead, it’s nice, normal, likeable Paula – who got everything else spot on – who’s sent packing. Sir Alan must have an eye on the ratings not to have taken the opportunity to fire backstabbing “I got a scholarship to Sandhurst – Did you take it? – No.” Ben. How many more times are we going to hear that?

Quote of the Week: Nick – “Anyway, I’ll leave it with you.” After pointing out to Empire just how much they’d spent on the sandalwood oil!

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