Tonight saw a cracking Coronation Street double bill which ended with Carnage On The Cobbles as an explosion destroyed the arches at the end of the street, causing a tram to plunge into the street.
All of this is in honour of the 50th anniversary of Corrie, which is a sensational milestone for the soap.
Of course, it presents unique challenges to casual viewers like me, who only check into Coronation Street every once in a while. The whole show was littered with “Who’s the madwoman who’s stalking John Stape?” and “Who’s the nutter picking a fight with Lloyd?” We struggled to identify most of the people staggering around in the post-catastrophe gloom.
But that’s the idea, right? Reward the loyal viewers with a big event that’ll be dragged out at other Corrie milestones and hopefully hook a few more punters who’ll get caught up in the post trauma events.
Let’s talk about those effects for a moment though – they were sensational, weren’t they? I loved the one-two punch – explosion first, then tram disaster. Bodies littering the street, blackened faces and fire everywhere. It was Ken Barlow looking up and registering the speeding tram coming along and watching realisation dawn on him what was about to happen.
And how Titanic-esque was that tram coming down? Smashing into Dev’s corner shop first, then the tail end rising into the air and slicing through Rita’s place? Molly – the harlot – may have suffered a well-deserved fate for breaking poor Tyrone’s heart. I believe in electrically-powered public-transport based retribution, so the Corrie gods delivered fitting justice.
Behind John and Fizz’s wreathed front door, weird crap was happening as a deranged woman started waving a hammer around. Not a great idea in soapland. It wasn’t long before Stape had control of the hammer, and within moments Stape had added another crime to his long list of misdemeanors. Skull suitably ventilated, whatshername suddenly became a waste disposal problem which may now be solved by the collapsing buildings along the street. Dump the body, John. Dump the body.
So now, let the speculation begin – who do you think will be dead after tonight’s episode? I’ve heard Molly and Ashley will be pushing up daisies this week. And I’m hoping that Stape manages to get that corpse dumped among the rubble before it causes any more trouble. And then I wonder why I give a damn about John Stape anyway. Over to you, folks…