UK Singles Chart – Top 10 – 14 March 2010

I feel horribly underwhelmed by this week’s top ten. I’d say 40% of the songs mean nothing to me. Only a couple really impress me – like Alicia Keys and Gabriella Cilmi. And two I actively hate. Yes, hate. And those two are Justin Bieber and McLean – both remarkably dishonest songs that espouse romance when in reality they’re about boy trying to convince girl to do something using romance as leverage.

I’ve got a bit of a bee in my bonnet about this kind of thing at the moment. If you want to hear a song that is honest about the emotions that pass between teenage girls and boys, then can I recommend you listen to Meat Loaf’s Paradise By The Dashboard Light – possibly one of the most funny, biting and honest ‘love’ songs you’ll ever hear. But first, here’s this week’s top ten…

  1. Tinie Tempah – Pass Out: A second week at Number 1 for new artist Tinie Tempah. And after a couple of listens, it’s not the worst song. Loving the layers of sound in this track.
  2. Rihanna – Rude Boy: Perhaps the best single from Rihanna’s latest album, but that isn’t saying much, is it? We’re praying to our pagan gods that Rihanna returns to a more mainstream image and sound.
  3. Justin Bieber ft Ludacris – Baby: Shockingly sugary stuff from a kid whose balls probably haven’t even dropped yet. Behind this cack-handed all-American teen nonsense is a hormone-fuelled boy trying to get a girl exactly where he wants her. Why not just be honest about it, Justin?
  4. Ellie Goulding – Starry Eyed: Ellie’s trippy hit single has grown on me a little bit since last week, courtesy of the gentle hook in the chorus.
  5. Jason Derulo – In My Head:Ah, Derulo. A fantastic follow-on from his debut single and has received much praise for not pigeon-holing himself in a straight R&B style.
  6. Alicia Keys – Empire State Of Mind (Part II):In Noo Yawkkkkk  – Alicia keeps her stranglehold on the top ten. Top track, one of the best choruses we’ll hear this year.
  7. Florence And The Machine/Dizzee Rascal – You Got The Dirtee Love: Yes, flavour of the moment Florence and grime artiste Dizzee release their collaboration from the Brit Awards. Second week for this in the top ten.
  8. Cheryl Cole – Parachute:She don’t need a parachute, baby when she’s got you. Poor Cheryl, as she’s known these days, manages to score one decent single out of the three she’s released as part of her solo effort. Should she return to Girls Aloud with her tail between her legs?
  9. Gabriella Cilmi – On A Mission: We’ve already given the highest praise possible to Gabriella’s amazing comeback track. In fact, it’s such a great song, even men feel empowered when listening to it. My personal #1 this week.
  10. McLean – My Name: Fake R&B dirge about a dude who wants his girl to take his name. On paper it sounds romantic, but there’s a troubling implication that the singer is horrendously insecure and wants to lock the girl down in case she moves on to someone more worthy. In my opinion it sounds sweet, but it’s a chastity belt masquerading as a proposal.

And here’s that Meat Loaf video – pay close attention to the lyrics…

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