I’m going to start my post about Louis Walsh’s Over 28s group with an observation: No-one ever says “I’m raging that I got [insert name of judge] as my mentor. He/she’s a complete arse.”
With that out of the way, it’s interesting that egomaniacal entrant Storm Lee says, with a totally straight face: “I’m so glad to have Louis as a mentor. So much integrity.” Storm, this is the guy who championed Jedward. Louis Walsh can’t even spell ‘integrity’.
Loveable Louis is joined tonight by the Queen of Darkness herself, Mrs Sharon Osbourne. Sharon’s plastic surgery overload drew sharp criticism on Twitter tonight, although it wasn’t nearly as extensive as Alan Sugar’s wrinkle-free wife on the Piers Morgan show afterward.
Moving on, you can’t help but feel sorry for Louis this year. The older contestants really are an unmitigated freakshow. Even if you consider it karmic reward for all the horrors he’s unleashed on [[The X Factor 2010|X Factor]] over the years, this sorry bunch are a pretty harsh punishment. And yes, I’m starting to warm to Louis this year. If Nicole Scherzinger likes him, he can’t be all bad.
Louis gets the freaks
- Stephen Hunter: The campest man in Scotland (and that’s saying something) sings Pink’s Get This Party Started like it was a Bond theme. It’s dramatic, but also rather bad. But we like Stephen and we’re not quite ready to let him go yet.
- Yuli Minguel: The details about Yuli are already starting to slip away from my memory. She’s unforgettable, visually speaking. And she has a powerful voice. But I found her performance quite tiresome tonight, so I’m not gonna comment any further.
- Justin Vanderhyde: Another guy who’s utterly forgettable with the exception of those ears that look like the guy from Star Trek. And I don’t mean Spock. I mean one of the later spin-offs. He sings Lady GaGa’s Telephone and though I think he’s a nice guy, I don’t see him going much further.
- Wagner the Unpronounceable: This dude is seriously creeping me out. And even Sharon – with her years of experience handling weird folk – is unnerved. Wagner sings Florence and the Machine,
- Mary Byrne: Tesco checkout lady has an ache in her heart, so she sings Coldplay. As you do.
- John Adeleye: Sings the Travie McCoy track Billionaire. He’s simply excellent. I hereby declare him the Dark Horse of this year’s X Factor.
- Elesha Moses:The lucky girl who got called in to replace the so-insane-X-Factor-now-refuse-to-mention-her-name Shirlena Johnson.
- Storm Lee: To give the dubiously-named Storm his fair dues, he didn’t talk nearly as much nonsense tonight. Oh, that’s right, he went off on an extended rant about how he deserved this break after his struggle and sleeping on other people’s sofas for years. I can’t deny how good his voice is, but this guy wrong foots me every time with his attitude.
A final note on Storm Lee: I had one of those awful premonitions that he might be related to Billy Boyd who was in Lord Of The Rings.
Finally, this is the part where I invite you, the excellent Shout readers, to give me your opinion on the Over 28 group. Are they even remotely likely to impress at the live rounds? Is there a winner among them? Let me know…