Diana Watson – did she get confused and think it was Britain’s Got Talent, only she turned up as a duo with her dog Jazz – lovely little face but a bit vicious (the dog, not Diana) it nearly had Dermot’s finger off and it didn’t even sing a note! But then, neither did Diana … cut to Jazz looking a bit peeved.
John Cassidy – Dannii’s face said it all – cut to Jazz looking smug – Gisela Lee murdered Alicia Keys and asked why they said no “Because you can’t sing.” Cut to Jazz growling. Gordon Rush “sings” achey breakey heart and gives us an achey breakey headache. Cut to Jazz nipping Dermot’s ankles. End of Part One *Slashes wrists*
Carla Schettini has a tartan tie for Louis – am I missing something? Attempts ‘If You Don’t Know Me By Now’ … we all sing back “we’ll never never never know you, bye … byebyebyebye …”
Cut to Jazz and Dermot, snuggling. Rikki Loney next – he made it to boot camp last year, in another nice hat. A positive attitude but a bit off in places, plenty of potential. Best so far, which isn’t much of a compliment, to be honest. Cut to Jazz, tap dancing with Dermot.
82 year old William Hooper sings ‘Come Fly With Me’ and was actually in tune in some places, second best so far. Delightful man, so he’ll go through because three out of the four judges are soppy (my word – I said it before Simon). Cut to Jazz looking well put out.
We see (not nearly enough of) a quartet of goodies – Lydia Kabasele, Mr.Personality Alistair, The Secrets, and confident Heshima. Cut to Jazz climbing Dermot’s leg. And we meet Shanna and her sweet, lovely voice. Top so far, very emotional – why drag it out so, when it’s obviously a ‘Yes’?
A quartet of no-nos: Amordeep – rock’n’roll don’t love ya back, baby; David, the classroom assistant. Not in my school … Michael, ah Michael – didn’t even recognise the song to begin with. And it’s Abraham’s life time ambition and will continue to be so for a long, long time. Mind you, he said he’ll just keep singing to himself. That would be best, Abraham, yes. Cut to Jazz, skewered by a microphone.
And we come to Demi, who I honestly thought was going to be this year’s psycho; I’m pleased to report she took the ‘NO’ quite well, apart from the tears. She wasn’t terrible and might benefit from lessons and she was a sweet kid, if a bit tweeee. Cut to Dermot, trying to convince Rolf Harris it was an accident. Yellow Brick Road I’ve forgotten already – a trio? Eliotte, I think a ‘Yes’ and Jaide Green I’m not too sure about. Good to see her parents put some thought into her name. Cut to Jazz being dragged away on Dermot’s blood soaked jeans. Can you tell I’m finding this week a bit boring?
We’re still awaiting a BIG performance. Maybe it will come from Olly the Essex boy. He’s picked a good song – Stevie Wonder’s Superstition – bit boybandish, also reminded me of Will Young in places. Thought his dancing a little strange actually, but has put his own stamp on the song and certainly engaged the audience. While I’m not completely blown away, there’s definite potential. The last two weeks very downbeat compared to the first two. And there’s double dose of the show on Saturday and Sunday next week. Won’t that be fun. *Add your own sarcasm here*