Yes, I know, I’m very late. I have a life, what can I say, other than “So?”
This first part had all the makings of a total set-up – we all know that the judges don’t sit through all those queues so why the hell do we have to suffer the Alan Walton, Krisztina, Andrew Ellis, Children of the Earth and Simon?
Benrouz could at least hold a note – but my heart is heavy at the thought of another Chico …the crowd like him, they’re going to say yes, except Simon. I found myself on his side throughout this show –
Michael Hough? No, Cheryl, it didn’t suit him at all. Dreadful. Oh, Stop it NOW Louis – Rochelle Morrison, amazing? They’ve lost it, finally. She was crap. And Victoria Hughes. NO NO NO – oh, please FFS – have Louis, Dannii and Cheryl had bungled ear transplants this week or what?
Come on Rozelle Philip, show ’em how it’s done with One Night Only, big song, bit shaky in places but this is more like it, needs some coaching. Best so far and properly likeable.
The Stunners, on the other hand – where do they find them? Why don’t their families stop them? I mean, there’s confidence and then there’s delusional – how Dermot keeps a straight face is surely one of life’s great mysteries? The judges and the audience all look as though Harry Potter has just hit them with ‘Stupefy’ – maybe that’s the effect the Stunners were actually going for?
We move on to Checkout – Melody Who – Double Trouble – Priceless – I’m not sure if that was the last band or the value of those acts – I’ve nothing to say, really, words fail me.
Oh thank God – Miss Fitz, including who I felt would have given Leona a run had Simon put her through, Jemma – you remember, she auditioned with ‘Summertime’ and Simon said she could sing the phone book – and then didn’t put her through to the live final – best vocal by far that year, in my opinion. Bit concerned when they said they were doing Britney’s Toxic – but wow – a swing version and a total knockout! Totally through, Dermots want a group hug, the sex case. I can insult him, see, cos he had a go at Strictly.
Daryl Markham is this week’s singer with a sad story, he lost his brother and his little nine year old nephew is with him – not the greatest vocal you’ll ever hear, but it was from the heart. He’s through, of course and now the little boy is rushing on stage and I’m a goner; mine are all laughing at me now, hard hearted sods.
Second best performance of the night – Jamie (Afro) Archer sings the Kings of Leon’s Sex on Fire, the audience love it, he’s whipping them up. He’s another showman, his mates are jumping backstage and Simon’s singing along. That’s some top acts already in the first two weeks who can give it some welly live on stage – I agree with Gerard – Charlie Brooker has got it wrong (maybe I’ll tell him on Twitter, what d’you reckon? Will I get a reply? What the hell, I’ll do it for you, dear readers!)