You know how it goes: Bad bad bad good bad bad series of yesses; I’ll try to make it painless. The Nightmare Girls – might have helped if they’d taken a cue from the music, I’m just sayin’ …then there was the Rod Stewart wannabe who wanted to be Elvis; Stacey the Digger Dagger sounded so much better singing than talking, but a surprisingly good version of ‘What a Wonderful World’. I think she’ll get on my nerves after a while though but it’ll be interesting to see if that performance was a one-off.
Simon drove from his hotel to the theatre, which was just round the corner and had the grace to admit that yes, it was embarrassing. There’s a lot of filler – we know it’s in front of a live audience, we know there’s thousands queuing, we know the format changed, we know Dermot, we know all this … stop repeating, I say, stop repeating yourself Dermot. Dermot, stop … you get the idea.
Katy Bullock – good song choice, could be the ‘quirky’ one …they’re saying ‘yes’ to an awful lot of people were just not seeing, GRRR! And then make us listen to Sister Act – flatter than pancakes under a ten ton truck. They think they would improve given time; Simon said they’ve got weeks, not decades!
Joe is a good looking nice lad, if he can sing the judges will love him. His big dream is to make his parents proud, awwww. Singing Luther Vandross’ Dance With My Father – tissues at the ready. Potential, likeable. Kyle, the 80’s reject (I’m also an 80’s reject – but I know it, that’s the difference) He’s a Girls Aloud fan and I’m praying he isn’t going to attempt …oh dear, he is Untouchable – Simon tries to stop him but he’s gaining confidence from Cheryl being nice to him. They really could do with buzzers in this too. Or rotten tomatoes.
John and Edward, the Irish lads, cocky bleeders! But likeable – they’re treating it like a gig! “Hello London!” “Everybody, come on!” They can’t sing but they ain’t half making me laugh. Cheryl, Louis and Dannii are going to put them through, just to wind up Simon. Yep, there they go *sniggers*.
Only heard one note from Laura White, but it sounded a good’un, whilst for the more mature lady there’s Roy Robson, not a pretty boy, not singing a Westlife song. I forgot to write it down, was it a Script song?
Ah, Triple Trouble and OMG – isn’t that Karen Matthews? How was she allowed out for this? They wanted to show people how misunderstood teenagers are and then promptly lived up to the caricature when told ‘NO’ – because they were really crap. A few other ‘No’s follow, a trio, Nathan, Beyond Reason – think they named themselves after their nan …Dermot’s trying hard not to laugh!
Duane Lamonte sings Ain’t No Mountain High Enough acappella and it’s good enough for me, but not for the judges, so he has to search his mind to sing something more modern. I feel a Shaheen Jafargholi moment coming on. There it is – but how’m I supposed to know what it is when there’s no music and they don’t say …still, very promising. It’s ‘No’ to Domonique Bon Jovi, ‘No’ to David, the pork pie man and ‘No’ to Eguono who looked like Randy Crawford, but sounded like Michael Crawford in his Frank Spencer days.
And then our finale – Danyl Jonson. Fantastic stage presence singing I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends (which included the audience). He’s made the most of the whole experience, born to perform. Standing ovation from the judges and Simon says: The best first audition he’s ever heard!